The Strangest Birthday
by King Nerd
Summary: Lily's ninth birthday party is interrupted when seven people show up in their closet... And when they bring a special gift with them, what will happen?
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER 1: PROLOUGE

"Hello, Fred," Lily Potter greeted with a warm smile.

"Hey Mrs. Potter," Fred Weasley replied.

Lily led the young man in through their house to the living room where several people already were.

They all greeted Fred warmly. Present in the room was James Potter (Lily's husband), Sirius Black, and Remus Lupin.

"How you doing?" Sirius asked as he sat down on the couch.

"I'm doing fine, Sirius," Fred answered.

"So, Fred, we've been thinking," James said.

"Well, that's dangerous," Lily said with a chuckle.

"So, there's only three Marauders. But we think four is a better number. Evens are so much better than odds, you know? How would you like to be a Marauder?" Sirius asked.

Fred's mouth fell open. "Me? A Marauder?" he repeated in awe.

All three of them grinned. "Yup. You have quite a history of pranking," Remus said.

"Like that swamp you made in your seventh year? Beautiful!" James said.

"Or those fireworks you set off after the toad?" Sirius added.

"Or even just the Weasley's Wizard Wheezes in general. Pure genius," Remus added.

"So if you want to, we would love to have you be a Marauder," James said.

"I'd be honored," Fred said, still in shock at such a proposal.

"Then raise your right hand and repeat after us," Sirius said.

"I solemnly swear," the three Marauders said together, and Fred repeated. "That I am always up to no good. I exist only to prank. I exist to make sure Argus Filch and Umbridge always have something to do. I defy all those who follow rules."

"Congratulations mate, you are officially one of us," Sirius said.

Their celebration however, lasted but a second, for the door loudly flew open. And standing there was none other than Albus Dumbledore.

"I apologize for interrupting this happy celebration," he said with a twinkle in his merry blue eyes, "but I have some exciting news."

"Go on, Professor," Lily said. "And would you care for a snack?"

"Don't mind if I do," he said, taking a lemon drop from the dish on the table. "I have found a way to send us back to the mortal world and see our loved ones again."

There was stunned silence. "I also found some books about Harry's adventures, and decided we would go back and read with the living ones. That is, if you all agree."

"Agree? I'm all for it!" Sirius cried.

"To see my son? Of course!" James agreed wholeheartedly. At this, Severus Snape entered the room.

"Hello, Severus," Lily said. After death, Severus had become much more civil to James as well as the rest of the Marauders.

"If there are no objections, I believe it would be best if Severus came along," Dumbledore said, looking at James and Sirius.

"I don't see why not," James said. He knew that Snape had saved Harry's life and at least tried to be civil.

"Very well," Dumbledore said approvingly. "Now we must all stand in a circle and hold hands." Apparently oblivious to the awkwardness, Dumbledore began to say a spell.

They all felt a jerk behind their naval, much like a portkey, and the room span away. They were all in a small room barely big enough to hold them.

CHAPTER 2: LILY'S BIRTHDAY

"Happy Hogwarts Birthday, magic wizard birthday, children eating cake inside their mouths! Magic wishes you will make, everybody celebrate! Children eating cake inside their mouths, one two three four. Gryffindor-party more. Hufflepuff- wizard stuff. Ravenclaw- hell naw. And I think that's everyone so happy Hogwarts birthday, magic wizard birthday, children eating cake inside their mouths!" **(A/N I couldn't resist! The Potter Puppet Pal song just fit!)**

"Now you have to make a wish, Lily-Flower," Harry said to his little daughter. She blew out nine candles on her cake and the assembled Weasleys and Potters applauded.

"Good job, Lily. Now we can eat cake!" James Potter excitedly told his little sister. Ginny began to dish up cake when four people appeared in their living room.

One was a severe looking woman who was wearing small glasses and with gray hair drawn tight in a bun. The rest looked nothing like the witch. Two were large beefy men with hardly any neck, and one was a slim woman with a very long neck.

"What are you guys doing here?" Harry asked, surprised and confused.

"That, Mr. Potter, is a very good question," said Professor McGonagall.

"Well, we can eat cake while we figure it out. Would you four like some?" Ginny asked.

"Of course," said Dudley. "What's the occasion?"

Harry grinned. "My sweet little Lily is turning nine today," he told his cousin.

"Happy Birthday, Lily," Dudley said, and Ginny handed him a piece of cake. McGonagall also received one. By now, everyone had cake except for Mr. and Mrs. Dursley. "Would you guys like some?" Harry asked them.

Vernon scowled. "I would never accept any food from one of your crowd," he said harshly.

"Suit yourself," Harry replied with a shrug.

All of the guests moved to the living room where there was more space.

"Do you have any idea what we are doing here?" McGonagall asked Harry, pulling him aside quietly.

"None at all, Professor," Harry replied quietly. "OW!"

The door to the closet behind him had just opened and hit him squarely in the back of the head. He turned to find Remus Lupin walking out.

Needless to say, Harry's jaw dropped to the floor. McGonagall turned paper white. Remus grinned. "Hello, Harry. Good to see you again."

"But… how… what?" Harry stuttered.

Lupin laughed. "We'll explain in a minute," he promised.

Harry seemed to recover from his shock, and was fully aware the entire room was staring at the dead man. "You need to see somebody," he said, and led his old teacher to an armchair where a young man was sitting.

"Remus, this is Teddy." He left the man gaping at his son and returned to the broom closet, remembering Lupin had said 'we'. That meant more people.

Harry almost had a heart attack when the next person stepped out. "Harry," said his godfather, who pulled him into a bone crushing hug. Sirius looked happy, like in the pictures of him before Azkaban.

"How?" Harry asked, utterly bewildered. Two people that had died for him were back, solid and alive.

Sirius smiled. "Just wait," he said.

The door opened again. If Harry had a heart attack when Sirius stepped out, it was nothing compared to the shock he felt when he saw who came through this time.

His parents.

Harry could say no words. He could only fall into his parents embrace for the first time in his life. They finally released him and when they did, there were tears in all three of their eyes. He opened his mouth to speak but no words came out.

"Just wait, my child," Lily said. "Everything will be explained.

Then Fred Weasley walked out the door. Mrs. Weasley screamed, and George ran to his twin. Fred walked over to the crying Weasley family.

Out of the door next walked Severus Snape. Harry nodded to him, and he nodded back.

Then out walked Albus Dumbledore. He smiled warmly at Harry. "Hello, Harry. I'm sure you are wondering what is going on."

He nodded, thinking it was a little obvious. Seven dead people just walked out his closet, for Merlin's sake.

"Why doesn't everyone sit down," Dumbledore suggested, and everyone that was still standing found a seat.

"Perhaps we should explain a few things," he began. "We are dead. I found a way that we could come back here for a short period of time. After all, many things were never explained in our lifetimes, and I felt it would be good for everyone to see these people again. I think everyone should introduce themselves first. I will start. I am Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore, and I am dead."

"I am Professor Minerva McGonagall, and no, you cannot call me Minnie. I am alive, for now."

The Marauders and George pouted after the Minnie comment.

"I am Professor Severus Snape, and I am dead."

"I am Fred Weasley, the fourth Marauder, and I am dead."

"Wait a second. Did you just say Fourth Marauder?" George asked his twin indignantly.

"Yup. As of like twenty minutes ago, I am an official Marauder," Fred said proudly.

"Well then what's your nickname?" George asked.

Fred looked at the other Marauders, who shrugged. "You aren't an Animagus. You'll have to give us a while," James said.

"I'll get back to you on that," Fred told his twin.

"Well, I am George Weasley, Fred's twin, and who is extremely jealous of his Marauder status."

"I'm Angelina Weasley, George's wife."

"I am Bill Weasley."

"I am Fleur Weasley."

"Charlie Weasley."

"I am Percy Weasley, who was Head Boy and Prefect," he said pompously.

"I think you mean Bighead Boy," the twins said.

"I'm Audrey Weasley."

"I am Ron Weasley, who is the coolest Weasley boy."

"I'm Hermione Weasley, Ron's wife."

"I'm Molly Weasley."

"Arthur Weasley. You three are Muggles, right? Could you explain the concept of the Internet to me?" he asked the Dursleys eagerly.

Vernon and Petunia looked positively disgusted. "Maybe later," Harry suggested. "And I'm Harry Potter. Course, you all knew that."

"And I'm Ginny Potter, Harry's wife."

"Wait. You two got married?" Fred asked. Ginny and Harry nodded. "Geez. The things you miss when you're dead."

"I am Lily Potter, and I am dead."

"James Potter, Marauder, and I am also dead."

"My name is Sirius Black, Marauder, hold your applause, please, and I am dead."

"I am Remus Lupin, Marauder, and I am dead."

"I am Teddy Lupin. I am alive."

"I am Dudley Dursley, and I am not a wizard."

Harry looked at Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, neither of which who said anything. He sighed. "Those two are my aunt and uncle, Vernon and Petunia, and they are Muggles and proud of that fact."

"I am James Sirius Potter, and I am the kid of Harry and Ginny."

Both his dad and godfather grinned at Harry.

"I am Lily Luna Potter, also their kid."

"I am Albus Severus Potter, and I assume you know who my parents are."

"You named your son after me?" Dumbledore and Snape said at the same time.

Harry grinned. "I named him after the two of the greatest headmasters Hogwarts has ever known."

"I am Rose Weasley, daughter of Hermione and Ron."  
"Hugo. Rose's brother."

"Victiore," "Dominique," "and Louis Weasley."

"I am Lucy Weasley."

"I am Molly Weasley, and I am going to be a prefect and Head Girl someday."

"I am Fred Weasley, the kid, not the dead guy, and this is my sister Roxanne."

"So," Dumbledore began again, "I have some books for us to read." George, Ron, and most of the children groaned. "They are about Harry's adventures through his years at Hogwarts. And I apologize, Harry, for they are in your point of view."

Ron began to laugh. "Think of the blackmail opportunities!" he cackled. Harry groaned and slid down in his seat.

"I believe Hermione would love to start for us," Dumbledore said, and Hermione nodded eagerly.

When she was handed the book, she said, "Book 1: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. **Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived**."


	2. Chapter 2

**AN: Hi guys! I'm back! **

**No, I did not abandon this already. **

**Congratulations to the first reviewer, Nanattez! **

**Sorry my first authors note didn't show up. My computer was being stupid… **

**DISCLAIMER: If I was Jo, why would I be on fanfiction?**

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Chapter 3: We start a book.

**Chapter 1: The Boy Who Lived.**

**Mr. and Mrs. Dursley,**

"Geez, what a way to start out a book. With Muggles," Sirius commented.

**Of number four, Privet Drive**

"Haha! We know where you live!" Sirius and James cried out together. Lily groaned. This was going to be a long seven books.

**Were proud to say**

"That they were Muggles," Fred and George continued together.

"Can I even finish the first sentence?" Hermione asked, annoyed.

**They were perfectly normal, thank you very much.**

"You're welcome," the twins said.

**They were the last people you'd expect to be **

"Hiding purple mushrooms in their house," James (Little James, not dead James) said with a perfectly straight face.

Harry chuckled at his son.

**Involved in anything strange or mysterious, because they just didn't hold with such nonsense.**

"Exactly," Uncle Vernon grunted.

**Mr. Dursley was the director of a firm called Grunnings,**

"What's that?" the twins, along with James (the dead guy) and Sirius asked.

"Hold on, the book will explain," Hermione said impatiently.

**Which made drills.**

"What's a drill?" asked the purebloods of the room, Mr. Weasley most enthusiastically.

"It's a sort of Muggle tool they use," Harry explained.

**He was a big, beefy man with hardly any neck,**

"Sexy!" said Ginny sarcastically.

**Although he did have a very large mustache. **

"Pretty accurate description," Harry observed, looking at his uncle critically. "Although I would have said something about his complexion being very red and purple a lot…"

**Mrs. Dursley was thin and blonde, and had nearly twice the usual amount of neck.**

"So it equals out, if she has twice the amount, and he doesn't have any, right?" Harry asked, and most of the people bean to laugh.

"Harry, are you having fun making fun of your aunt and uncle?" Ginny asked him.

He nodded. "I have wanted to do this for so long."

**Which came in very useful as she spent so much of her time **

"Yelling at me," Harry finished.

"How does having an awkwardly long neck help in yelling at you?" Ron asked, obviously confused.

"I don't know. It's just what she spent all her time doing."

"Maybe extra long vocal cords?" Marauder Fred suggested.

**Craning over garden fences, spying on neighbors. **

"Stalker!" the marauders and George sang.

**The Dursleys had a small son called Dudley**

"Small son called Dudley? I think that's an oxymoron," Harry said.

**And in their opinion, there was no finer boy anywhere.**

"Exactly," Petunia and Vernon said together.

"I beg to differ. I am sitting right here in front of you," Sirius said.

**The Dursleys had everything they wanted,**

"Spoiled!" Lily Jr. said.

**But they also had a secret, **

"Mysterious!"

**And their greatest fear was that someone would discover it. They didn't think they could bear it if anyone found out about the Potters.**

"Oi! What's so bad about my family?" James (The dead one) asked indignantly.

"Want me to make a list?" Sirius asked.

"I think its just cause we're wizards, Dad," Harry said.

**Mrs. Potter was Mrs. Dursley's sister, but they hadn't met for several years; in fact, Mrs. Dursley pretended she didn't have a sister,**

"Now that's just mean Tuney," Lily told her sister.

**Because her sister and her good-for-nothing husband**

"Excuse me?" James said threateningly.

**Were as unDursleyish **

"That's not a word," Hermione and Rose said at the same time.

**As it was possible to be. **

"And thank goodness for that," Sirius said.

**The Dursleys shuddered to think**

"You guys can think? Don't overexert yourself," Harry said.

**What the neighbors would say if the Potters arrived in the street.**

"First of all," Lily began, "Why would you care what the neighbors thought, Second, why would we show up in the street?"

"Third," James continued, "everyone would want the autograph of us, the totally awesomest people to ever set foot within a hundred yards of you."

**The Dursleys knew that the Potters had a small son, too, but they had never even seen him. **

"How could you go without seeing your nephew?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

"And I am not small!" Harry interjected.

"Harry, yes you are. And you were a _baby_then, so you were very small," Ginny told her husband.

**This boy was another good reason for keeping the Potters away; they didn't want Dudley mixing with a child like that. **

"Geez, glad to know you guys think so highly of me," Harry said sarcastically.

**When Mr. and Mrs. Dursley woke up on the dull, grey Tuesday our story starts, there was nothing about the cloudy sky outside to suggest that strange and mysterious things would soon be happening all over the country. **

"Ooh, foreshadowing," the twins chorused.

**Mr. Dursley hummed as he picked out his most boring tie for work,**

"Why would you pick out the most boring one?" Sirius asked.

**And Mrs. Dursley gossiped away happily as she wrestled a screaming Dudley into his high chair. None of them noticed a large, tawny owl flutter past the window. **

"Ooh, owls, scary," James (the little one) muttered sarcastically.

**At half past eight, Mr. Dursley picked up his briefcase, pecked Mrs. Dursley on the cheek, and tried to kiss Dudley good-bye but missed, because Dudley was now having a tantrum and throwing his cereal at the walls. **

"I would never let any of my children throw cereal at the walls," Mrs. Weasley said.

"I know. It was a waste of a childhood without simple pleasures like that," Fred sighed.

"**Little tyke," chortled Mr. Dursley as he left the house. **

"You are encouraging that type of behavior?" Mrs. Weasley asked incredulously.

**He got into his car and backed out of number four's drive. It was on the corner of the street that he noticed the first sign of something peculiar-**

"Ooh, sign number one," the twins said in an awe filled voice.

**A cat reading a map. **

"Its Minnie!" The marauders, George, Little Fred, and Little James cried.

"Do not call me Minnie!" Professor McGonagall said sharply.

**For a second, Mr. Dursley didn't realize what he had seen- then he jerked his head around to look again. There was a tabby cat standing on the corner of Privet Drive, but there wasn't a map in sight. **

"Ooh, magic," Sirius and Big James cooed.

**What could he have been thinking of? It must have been a trick of the light. **

"Muggles," most of the room muttered in exasperation.

**Mr. Dursley blinked and stared at the cat. It stared back. **

"Ah, the Minnie glare," the twins said fondly.

**As Mr. Dursley drove around the corner and up the road, he watched the cat in his mirror. **

"That's not safe. You should be watching the road," Hermione interrupted herself.

**It was now reading the sign that said Privet Drive- no, looking at the sign; cats couldn't read maps or signs.**

"This cat can!" Sirius cried happily.

**Mr. Dursley gave himself a little shake and put the cat out of his mind. As he drove toward town he thought of nothing except a large order of drills he was hoping to get that day.**

"Geez, one track mind," Big James commented.

**But on the edge of town, drills were driven out of his mind by something else. As he sat in the usual morning traffic jam,**

"What's traffic jam?" Ron asked. "is it like strawberry jam?"

"No," Harry replied. "It's when there's too many cars and no one is really moving."

**He couldn't help noticing that there seemed to be a lot of strangely dressed people about. People in cloaks. **

"What's wrong with cloaks?" most of the wizards asked, a little annoyed.

"Only _your lot_ wear such an infernal getup," Vernon spat.

**Mr. Dursley couldn't b****ear people who dressed in funny clothes - the getups you saw on young people! He supposed this was some stupid new fashion. He drummed his fingers on the steering wheel and his eyes fell on a huddle of these weirdos **(Humph!)**standing quite close by. They were whispering excitedly together. Mr. Dursley was enraged to see that a couple of them weren't young at all; why, that man had to be older than he was, and wearing an emerald-green cloak! The nerve of him! But then it struck Mr. Dursley that this was probably some silly stunt - these people were obviously collecting for something... yes, that would be it. The traffic moved on and a fewminutes later, Mr. Dursley arrived in the Grunnings parking lot, his mind back on drills.**

"One track mind," Big James reminded. "You need to loosen up."

**Mr. Dursley always sat with his back t****o the window in his office on the ninth floor. If he hadn't, he might have found it harder to concentrate on drills that morning. He didn't see the owls swooping past in broad daylight, though people down in the street did; they pointed and gazed open- mouthed as owl after owl sped overhead. **

"Why is that unusual?" Ron asked.

"Muggles don't use Owl Post, Ron," Hermione explained.

**Most of them had never seen an owl even at nighttime. **(Weird!) ** Mr. Dursley, however, had a perfectly normal, owl-free morning. He yelled at five different people. He made several important telephonecalls and shouted a bit more.**

"Hey Fred, do you think he likes to yell?" George asked.

"I don't know George. Maybe…"

**He was in a very good mood until lunchtime, when he thought he'd stretch his legs and walk across the road to buy himself a bun from the bakery.**

"You can walk that far?" Harry asked in astonishment. "You've improved!"

**He'd forgotten all about the people in cloaks until he passed a group of them next to the baker's. He eyed t****hem angrily as he passed. He didn't know why, but they made him uneasy. This bunch were whispering excitedly, too, and he couldn't see a single collecting tin. It was on his way back past them, clutching a large doughnut in a bag, that he caught a few words of what they were saying.**

**"The Potters, that's right, that's what I heard yes, their son, Harry"**

"Everyone whispers about how awesome we are," Big James said.

**Mr. Dursley stopped dead.**

"Yay!" the twins cried.

**Fear flooded him. He looked back at the whisperers as if he wanted to say something to them, but thought better of it.**

**He da****shed back across the road, hurried up to his office, snapped at his secretary not to disturb him, seized his telephone, and had almost finished dialing his home number when he changed his mind. He put the receiver back down and stroked his mustache, thinking... no, he was being stupid. **

"That is true for most of the time, not just at that moment," Harry pointed out.

**Potter wasn't such an unusual name. He was sure there were lots of people called Potter who had a son called Harry. Come to think of it, he wasn't even sure his nephew was called Harry. **

"How can you not know your nephew's name?" Mrs. Weasley cried.

**He'd never even seen the boy. It might have been Harvey. **

"Harvey Potter. Hmm… Doesn't really have the same ring to it," George mused.

**Or Harold.**

"Harold Potter doesn't really either," Fred agreed with his twin.

**There was no point in worrying Mrs. Dursley; she always got so upset at any mention of her sister. He didn't blame her - if he'd had a sister like that...**

"Hey!" Lily said indignantly.

**but all the same, those people in cloaks...**

**He found it a lot harder t****o concentrate on drills that afternoon and when he left the building at five o'clock, he was still so worried that he walked straight into someone just outside the door.**

**"Sorry," he grunted,**

"You know that word?" Harry and the twins asked at the same time.

**as the tiny old man stumbled and almost fell. It was a few seco****nds before Mr. Dursley realized that the man was wearing a violet cloak. He didn't seem at all upset at being almost knocked to the ground. On the contrary, his face split into a wide smile and he said in a squeaky voice that made passersby stare, "Don't be sorry, my dear sir, for nothing could upset me today! Rejoice, for You-Know-Who has gone at last! Even Muggles like yourself should be celebrating, this happy, happy day!"**

"Sounds like Professor Flitwick," Ron snorted.

**And the old man hugged Mr. Dursley around the middle**

"His arms fit?" Sirius asked incredulously.

**and walked off.**

**Mr. Dursl****ey stood rooted to the spot. He had been hugged by a complete stranger. He also thought he had been called a Muggle, whatever that was.**

"It means non-magic folk," Rose explained.

**He was rattled. He hurried to his car and set off for home, hoping he was imagining things, which he had never hoped before, because he didn't approve of imagination.**

Hermione and Mrs. Weasley shook their heads. "That's so terrible," they murmured.

**As he pulled into the driveway of number four, the first thing he saw - and it didn't improve his mood - was the tabby cat he'd spotted that morning. It was now sitting on his**** garden wall. He was sure it was the same one; it had the same markings around its eyes.**

"Minnie!" the Marauders, George, and Little James cried, earning an irritated look from the Professor.

**"Shoo!" said Mr. Dursley loudly. The cat didn't move. It just gave him a stern look. Was this normal cat behavior? Mr. Dursley wondered.**

"Nope. Only Minnie acts like that," George said.

**Trying to pull himself together, he let himself into the h****ouse. He was still determined not to mention anything to his wife.**

**Mrs. Dursley had had a nice, normal day. She told him over dinner all about Mrs. Next Door's problems with her daughter and how Dudley had learned a new word ("Won't!"). **

Mrs. Weasley and Mrs. Potter shook their heads.

**Mr. Dursley tried**** to act normally. When Dudley had been put to bed, he went into the living room in time to catch the last report on the evening news:**

**"And finally, bird-watchers everywhere have reported that the nation's owls have been behaving very unusually today. Alt****hough owls normally hunt at night and are hardly ever seen in daylight,**

"But we see them all the time in the day," Ron said, puzzled, getting an exasperated sigh from Hermione.

**there have been hundreds of sightings of these birds flying in every direction since sunrise. Experts are unable to explain why the owls have suddenly changed their sleeping pattern." The newscaster allowed himself a grin. "Most mysterious. And now, over to Jim McGuffin with the weather. Going to be any more showers of owls tonight, Jim?"**

**"Well, Ted," said the weatherman, "I don't know about that, but it's not only the owls that have ****been acting oddly today. Viewers as far apart as Kent, Yorkshire, and Dundee have been phoning in to tell me that instead of the rain I promised yesterday, they've had a downpour of shooting stars! Perhaps people have been celebrating Bonfire Night early - it's not until next week, folks! But I can promise a wet night tonight."**

**Mr. Dursley sat frozen in his armchair. Shooting stars all over Britain? Owls flying by daylight? Mysterious people in cloaks all over the place? And a whisper, a whisper about th****e Potters...**

"Congratulations, even a Muggle like yourself could piece it together," Sirius said with mock enthusiasm.

**Mrs. Dursley came into the living room carrying two cups of tea. It was no good. He'd have to say something to her. He cleared his throat nervously. "Er - Petunia, dear - you haven't heard from your sister lately, have you?"**

**As he had ex****pected, Mrs. Dursley looked shocked and angry. After all, they normally pretended she didn't have a sister.**

Mrs. Potter humphed angrily.

**"No," she said sharply. "Why?"**

**"Funny stuff on the news," Mr. Dursley mumbled. "Owls... shooting stars... and there were a lot of funny-looking ****people in town today..."**

**"So?" snapped Mrs. Dursley.**

**"Well, I just thought... maybe... it was something to do with... you know... her crowd."**

"Just say wizards. It's not like saying the word will bring them to your house," Ron said.

**Mrs. Dursley sipped her tea through pursed lips. Mr. Dursley wondered whether he dared tell her he'd heard t****he name "Potter." He decided he didn't dare. Instead he said, as casually as he could, "Their son - he'd be about Dudley's age now, wouldn't he?"**

**"I suppose so," said Mrs. Dursley stiffly.**

**"What's his name again? Howard, isn't it?"**

**"Harry. Nasty, co****mmon name, if you ask me."**

"I like the name!" Lily and James said at the same time. Harry smiled at his parents.

**"Oh, yes," said Mr. Dursley, his heart sinking horribly. "Yes, I quite agree."**

**He didn't say another word on the subject as they went upstairs to bed. While Mrs. Dursley was in the bathroom, Mr. Dursley crept to the bedroom w****indow and peered down into the front garden. The cat was still there. It was staring down Privet Drive as though it were waiting for something.**

"That's because I was," McGonagall pointed out.

"Really Professor?" Hermione said. "I can understand them interrupting me, but you?"

"I'm sorry, dear. Continue," Professor McGonagall said.

**Was he imagining things? **

"No."

**Could all this have anything to do with the Potters? **

"Yes."

**If it did... if it got out that they were related to a pair of - well, he didn't think he could bear it.**

"Tough. One's coming to live with you soon enough," Harry said.

**The Dursleys got into bed. Mrs. Dursley fell asleep quickly but Mr. ****Dursley lay awake, turning it all over in his mind. His last, comforting thought before he fell asleep was that even if the Potters were involved, there was no reason for them to come near him and Mrs. Dursley. The Potters knew very well what he and Petunia thought about them and their kind... He couldn't see how he and Petunia could get mixed up in anything that might be going on - he yawned and turned over - it couldn't affect them...**

"You just jinxed it," Ron said.

**How very wrong he was.**

"See?"

**Mr. Dursley might have been drifting int****o an uneasy sleep, but the cat on the wall outside was showing no sign of sleepiness. It was sitting as still as a statue, its eyes fixed unblinkingly on the far corner of Privet Drive. It didn't so much as quiver when a car door slammed on the next street, nor when two owls swooped overhead. In fact, it was nearly midnight before the cat moved at all.**

"That's pretty impressive, Minnie, congrats," the twins said.

**A man appeared on the corner the cat had been watching, appeared so suddenly and silently you'd have thought he'd just popped out of the ground.**

"They probably just Apparated," Ron said. "Can I have another piece of cake, dear sister?"

"Sure, Ron," Ginny said.

**The cat's ****tail twitched and its eyes narrowed.**

**Nothing like this man had ever been seen on Privet Drive. He was tall, thin, and very old, judging by the silver of his hair and beard, which were both long enough to tuck into his belt. He was wearing long robes, a p****urple cloak that swept the ground, and high-heeled, buckled boots. His blue eyes were light, bright, and sparkling behind half-moon spectacles and his nose was very long and crooked, as though it had been broken at least twice.**

"It's Dumbledore!" the kids all said.

**This man's name was Albus Dumbledore.**

"See!"

**Albus Dumbledore didn't seem to realize that he had just arrived in a street where everything from his name to his boots was unwelcome. **

"I knew, I just chose to ignore it."

**He was busy rummaging in his cloak, looking for something. But he did seem to realize he was being watched, ****because he looked up suddenly at the cat, which was still staring at him from the other end of the street. For some reason, the sight of the cat seemed to amuse him. He chuckled and muttered, "I should have known."**

**He found what he was looking for in his**** inside pocket. It seemed to be a silver cigarette lighter. **

"You smoke?" McGonagall asked.

"You were there, Minerva. I believe you know what that was," Dumbledore said.

**He flicked it open, held it up in the air, and clicked it. The nearest street lamp went out with a little pop. He clicked it again - the next lamp flickered into darkness. Twelve times he clicked the Put-Outer, **

At this, Ron pulled the Deluminator out of his pocket and clicked it twice.

**until the only lights left on the whole street were two tiny pinpricks in the distance, which were the eyes of the cat watching him. If anyone looked out of their window now, even beady-eyed Mrs. Dursley, they wouldn't be able to see anything that was happening down on the pavement. Dumbledore slipped the Put-Outer back inside his cloak and set off down the street toward number four, where he sat down on the wall next to the cat. He didn't look at it, but after a moment he spoke to it.**

**"Fa****ncy seeing you here, Professor McGonagall."**

**He turned to smile at the tabby, but it had gone. Instead he was smiling at a rather severe-looking woman who was wearing square glasses exactly the shape of the markings the cat had had around its eyes. She, t****oo, was wearing a cloak, an emerald one. Her black hair was drawn into a tight bun. She looked distinctly ruffled.**

**"How did you know it was me?" she asked.**

"Normal cats don't sit so still all day," Hermione interrupted herself.

**"My dear Professor, I've never seen a cat sit so stiffly."**

**"You'd be stiff if you'd been sitt****ing on a brick wall all day," said Professor McGonagall.**

**"All day? When you could have been celebrating? I must have passed a dozen feasts and parties on my way here."**

"I thought you Apparated?" Ron asked.

Dumbledore just smiled.

**Professor McGonagall sniffed angrily.**

**"Oh yes, everyone's celebrating, all right,"**** she said impatiently. "You'd think they'd be a bit more careful, but no - even the Muggles have noticed something's going on. It was on their news." She jerked her head back at the Dursleys' dark living-room window. "I heard it. Flocks of owls... shooting stars... Well, they're not completely stupid. They were bound to notice something. Shooting stars down in Kent - I'll bet that was Dedalus Diggle. He never had much sense."**

Mr. and Mrs. Weasley snorted. "Very true."

**"You can't blame them," said Dumbledore gently. "We've had precious little to**** celebrate for eleven years."**

The adults nodded somberly.

**"I know that," said Professor McGonagall irritably. "But that's no reason to lose our heads. People are being downright careless, out on the streets in broad daylight, not even dressed in Muggle clothes, swapping rumors."**

**She threw a sharp, sideways glance at Dumbledore here, as though hoping he was going to tell her something, but he didn't, so she went on. "A fine thing it would be if, on the very day You Know-Who seems to have disappeared at last, the Muggles found out about us all. I suppose he really has gone, Dumbledore?"**

"Nope," Harry said cheerfully.

**"It certainly seems so," said Dumbledore. "We have much to be thankful for. Would you care for a lemon drop?"**

"A what?" asked Mr. Wealsey.

**"A what?"**

**"A lemon drop. They're a kind of Muggle sweet I'm rather fond of"**

"Of course you would be thinking of sweets at a time like this," Professor Snape said.

**"No, th****ank you," said Professor McGonagall coldly, as though she didn't think this was the moment for lemon drops. "As I say, even if You-Know-Who has gone -"**

**"My dear Professor, surely a sensible person like yourself can call him by his name? All this 'You- Kn****ow-Who' nonsense - for eleven years I have been trying to persuade people to call him by his proper name: Voldemort." Professor McGonagall flinched, but Dumbledore, who was unsticking two lemon drops, seemed not to notice. "It all gets so confusing if we keep saying 'You-Know-Who.' I have never seen any reason to be frightened of saying Voldemort's name.**

"That's what I kept saying for like, seven years, and no one listened to me," Harry said.

**"I know you haven 't, said Professor McGonagall, sounding half exasperated, half admiring. "But you're different. Everyone knows you're the only one You****-Know- oh, all right, Voldemort, was frightened of."**

**"You flatter me," said Dumbledore calmly. "Voldemort had powers I will never have."**

"Only because you're too noble to use them," Harry said.

**"Only because you're too - well - noble to use them."**

"Harry, you're turning into Minnie!" the twins cried in horror.

**"It's lucky it's dark. I haven't blushed so much since Ma****dam Pomfrey told me she liked my new earmuffs."**

"That's weird," the Marauders, George, Ron, Harry, Little Fred, and Little James said.

**Professor McGonagall shot a sharp look at Dumbledore and said, "The owls are nothing next to the rumors that are flying around. You know what everyone's saying? About why he's disappeared? About what finally stopped him?"**

**It seemed that Professor McGon****agall had reached the point she was most anxious to discuss, the real reason she had been waiting on a cold, hard wall all day, for neither as a cat nor as a woman had she fixed Dumbledore with such a piercing stare as she did now. It was plain that whatever "everyone" was saying, she was not going to believe it until Dumbledore told her it was true. Dumbledore, however, was choosing another lemon drop and did not answer.**

**"What they're saying," she pressed on, "is that last night Voldemort turned up in Go****dric's Hollow. He went to find the Potters. The rumor is that Lily and James Potter are - are - that they're - dead. "**

**Dumbledore bowed his head. Professor McGonagall gasped.**

**"Lily and James... I can't believe it... I didn't want to believe it... Oh****, Albus..."**

"Aw, you cared about us!" James cooed.

**Dumbledore reached out and patted her on the shoulder. "I know... I know..." he said heavily.**

**Professor McGonagall's voice trembled as she went on. "That's not all. They're saying he tried to kill the Potter's son, Harry. But - he couldn't****. He couldn't kill that little boy. No one knows why, or how, but they're saying that when he couldn't kill Harry Potter, Voldemort's power somehow broke - and that's why he's gone.**

**Dumbledore nodded glumly.**

**"It's - it's true?" faltered Professor McG****onagall. "After all he's done... all the people he's killed... he couldn't kill a little boy? It's just astounding... of all the things to stop him... but how in the name of heaven did Harry survive?"**

**"We can only guess," said Dumbledore. "We may never k****now."**

"You knew, didn't you Professor?" Harry asked. Dumbledore didn't say anything, but he smiled.

**Professor McGonagall pulled out a lace handkerchief and dabbed at her eyes beneath her spectacles. Dumbledore gave a great sniff as he took a golden watch from his pocket and examined it. It was a very odd watch. It had twelve hands but no numbers;**** instead, little planets were moving around the edge. It must have made sense to Dumbledore, though, because he put it back in his pocket and said, "Hagrid's late. I suppose it was he who told you I'd be here, by the way?"**

"He can't keep a secret. Remember Fluffy in our first year?" Harry asked with a grin.

His parents frowned. "Who's Fluffy?"

"You'll find out."

**"Yes," said Professor McGonagal****l. "And I don't suppose you're going to tell me why you're here, of all places?"**

**"I've come to bring Harry to his aunt and uncle. They're the only family he has left now."**

**"You don't mean - you can't mean the people who live here?" cried Professor McG****onagall, jumping to her feet and pointing at number four. "Dumbledore - you can't. I've been watching them all day. You couldn't find two people who are less like us. And they've got this son - I saw him kicking his mother all the way up the street, screaming for sweets. Harry Potter come and live here!"**

"Thank you, Professor. At least someone's on my side," Harry said.

**"It's the best place for him," said Dumbledore firmly. "His aunt and uncle will be able to explain everything to him when he's older. I've written them a letter."**

"A letter? You think you can explain all this in a letter?" Mrs. Potter said.

**"A letter?" repeated Professor McGona****gall faintly, sitting back down on the wall. "Really, Dumbledore, you think you can explain all this in a letter? **

"All the Potters are turning into Minnie! Run!" the twins shouted.

"Soon it will happen to you, Prongs. Escape now!" Sirius added.

**These people will never understand him! He'll be famous - a legend - I wouldn't be surprised if today was known as Harry Potter day in the future - there will be books written about Harry - every child in our world will know his name!"**

"Unfortunately," Harry muttered.

**"Exactly," said Dumbledore, looking very seriously over the top of his half-moon glasses. "It would be enough to turn any boy's head. Famous before he can w****alk and talk! Famous for something he won't even remember! Can't you see how much better off he'll be, growing up away from all that until he's ready to take it?"**

"I admire the logic, Professor, but my sister's house is not the best place," Lily said.

**Professor McGonagall opened her mouth, changed her mind, swallowed, and then said, "Yes - y****es, you're right, of course. But how is the boy getting here, Dumbledore?" She eyed his cloak suddenly as though she thought he might be hiding Harry underneath it.**

"Smuggler!" the Marauders, George, and Little James said.

**"Hagrid's bringing him."**

**"You think it - wise - to trust Hagrid with something as imp****ortant as this?"**

"I would trust Hagrid with my life!" said a majority of the room.

"**I would trust Hagrid with my life," said Dumbledore.**

**"I'm not saying his heart isn't in the right place," said Professor McGonagall grudgingly, "but you can't pretend he's not careless. He does tend to - what was that?"**

"So mysterious," Sirius said.

**A low rumbli****ng sound had broken the silence around them. It grew steadily louder as they looked up and down the street for some sign of a headlight; it swelled to a roar as they both looked up at the sky - and a huge motorcycle fell out of the air and landed on the road in front of them.**

"My motorcycle!" Sirius said happily.

**If the motorcycle was huge, it was nothing to the man sitting astride it. He was almost twice as tall as a normal man and at least five times as wide. He looked simply too big to be allowed, and so wild - long tangles of bushy black**** hair and beard hid most of his face, he had hands the size of trash can lids, and his feet in their leather boots were like baby dolphins. In his vast, muscular arms he was holding a bundle of blankets.**

**"Hagrid," said Dumbledore, sounding relieved. "At ****last. And where did you get that motorcycle?"**

"He borrowed it from me," Sirius said.

**"Borrowed it, Professor Dumbledore, sir," said the giant, climbing carefully off the motorcycle as he spoke. "Young Sirius Black lent it to me. I've got him, sir."**

**"No problems, were there?"**

**"No, sir - h****ouse was almost destroyed, but I got him out all right before the Muggles started swarmin' around. He fell asleep as we was flyin' over Bristol."**

All the women awwwed, and Harry blushed.

**Dumbledore and Professor McGonagall bent forward over the bundle of blankets. Inside, just visible, was a baby boy, fast asleep. Under a tuft of jet-black hair over his forehead they could see a curiously shaped cut, like a bolt of lightning.**

**"Is that ****where -?" whispered Professor McGonagall.**

**"Yes," said Dumbledore. "He'll have that scar forever."**

"Unfortunately," Harry muttered again.

**"Couldn't you do something about it, Dumbledore?"**

**"Even if I could, I wouldn't. Scars can come in handy. I have one myself above my left knee that is a ****perfect map of the London Underground.**

"That's really weird."

**Well - give him here, Hagrid - we'd better get this over with."**

**Dumbledore took Harry in his arms and turned toward the Dursleys' house.**

**"Could I - could I say good-bye to him, sir?" asked Hagrid. He bent his g****reat, shaggy head over Harry and gave him what must have been a very scratchy, whiskery kiss. Then, suddenly, Hagrid let out a howl like a wounded dog.**

**"Shhh!" hissed Professor McGonagall, "you'll wake the Muggles!"**

"So that's what that was!" Aunt Petunia said.

**"S-s-sorry," sobbed Hagrid, taking o****ut a large, spotted handkerchief and burying his face in it. "But I c-c-can't stand it - Lily an' James dead - an' poor little Harry off ter live with Muggles -"**

"That's so sweet," Mrs. Weasley said.

**"Yes, yes, it's all very sad, but get a grip on yourself, Hagrid, or we'll be found," Prof****essor McGonagall whispered, patting Hagrid gingerly on the arm as Dumbledore stepped over the low garden wall and walked to the front door. He laid Harry gently on the doorstep, took a letter out of his cloak, tucked it inside Harry's blankets, and then came back to the other two. For a full minute the three of them stood and looked at the little bundle; Hagrid's shoulders shook, Professor McGonagall blinked furiously, and the twinkling light that usually shone from Dumbledore's eyes seemed to have gone out.**

**"Well," said Dumbledore finally, "that's that. We've no business staying here. We may as well go and join the celebrations."**

"Yup, let's go celebrate our death, and my son going to live with Muggles," James said bitterly.

**"Yeah," said Hagrid in a very muffled voice, "I'll be takin' Sirius his bike back. G'night, Professor McGonagall - Professor**** Dumbledore, sir."**

**Wiping his streaming eyes on his jacket sleeve, Hagrid swung himself onto the motorcycle and kicked the engine into life; with a roar it rose into the air and off into the night.**

**"I shall see you soon, I expect, Professor McGonagall,****" said Dumbledore, nodding to her. Professor McGonagall blew her nose in reply.**

**Dumbledore turned and walked back down the street. On the corner he stopped and took out the silver Put-Outer. He clicked it once, and twelve balls of light sped back to thei****r street lamps so that Privet Drive glowed suddenly orange and he could make out a tabby cat slinking around the corner at the other end of the street. He could just see the bundle of blankets on the step of number four.**

**"Good luck, Harry," he murmured. **

"I'm gonna need it," Harry muttered.

**He turned on his heel and with a swish of his cloak, he was gone.**

**A breeze ruffled the neat hedges of Privet Drive, which lay silent and tidy under the inky sky, the very last place you would expect astonishing things to happen. Harry Potter rolled over ****inside his blankets without waking up. One small hand closed on the letter beside him and he slept on, not knowing he was special, not knowing he was famous, not knowing he would be woken in a few hours' time by Mrs. Dursley's scream as she opened the front door to put out the milk bottles, nor that he would spend the next few weeks being prodded and pinched by his cousin Dudley... He couldn't know that at this very moment, people meeting in secret all over the country were holding up their glasses and saying in hushed voices: "To Harry Potter - the boy who lived!"**

"And that's the end of the chapter. Now, who wants to read next?" Hermione said.

"I will!" Rose said eagerly. "**Chapter 2: The Vanishing Glass.**"

**AN: Oh my gods, that was hard to write! Well, I hope you enjoy it. Virtual cookies to anyone who reviews!**


	3. Chapter 3

**AN: I'm back! **

**I am very disappointed in the lack of reviews from you guys.. **** I had to eat all these virtual cookies myself!**

**I would like to say that I did not use the Philosopher's Stone version because I only have access to the American version. I am sorry to anyone who likes the British one better. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter. **

**Chapter 2: THE VANISHING GLASS**

"What do you think that means?" Ron asked, while Harry began to laugh.

"Is this when-" Dudley began and Harry nodded.

**Nearly ten years had passed since the Dursleys had woken up to find their nephew on the front step, **

"Yay! You're going to get your Hogwarts letter soon!" Big James cried.

**but Privet Drive had hardly changed at all. The sun rose on the same tidy front gardens and lit up the brass number four on the Dursleys' front door; it c****rept into their living room, which was almost exactly the same as it had been on the night when Mr. Dursley had seen that fateful news report about the owls. Only the photographs on the mantelpiece really showed how much time had passed. Ten years ago, there had been lots of pictures of what looked like a large pink beach ball wearing different-colored bonnets –**

"Good description," Harry chortled.

**but Dudley Dursley was no longer a baby, and now the photographs showed a large blond boy riding his first bicycle, on a carousel at the fair, playing a computer game with his father, being hugged and kissed by his mother. **

"Eew!" Little James said.

"But what about Harry?" Lily Sr. asked.

**The room held no sign at all that another boy lived in the house, too.**

"Petunia," Lily Sr. said warningly.

**Yet Harry Potter was still there, asleep at the moment, but not for long. His Aunt Petunia was awake and it was her shrill voice that**** made the first noise of the day.**

Lily Sr. and Snape both shuddered. "I'm so sorry, Harry," Lily said.

**"Up! Get up! Now!"**

**Harry woke with a start. His aunt rapped on the door again.**

Harry suddenly paled. They would read about his cupboard soon.

**"Up!" she screeched. Harry heard her walking toward the kitchen and then the sound of the frying pan being put on the stove. He rolled on****to his back and tried to remember the dream he had been having. It had been a good one. There had been a flying motorcycle in it. He had a funny feeling he'd had the same dream before.**

"That wasn't a dream, Prongslet," Sirius said. "It was real. And that was my bike."

**His aunt was back outside the door.**

**"Are you up yet?" she demanded.**

**"Nearly," said Harry.**

"Its kinda hard to sleep through that," Big James said.

**"Well, get a move on, I want you to look after the bacon. And don't you dare**** let it burn, I want everything perfect on Duddy's birthday."**

"Wait, I think I misheard. That almost made it sound like they made you cook," Lily Sr. said. Harry looked anywhere but his mother.

**Harry groaned.**

**"What did you say?" his aunt snapped through the door.**

"He didn't say anything. He groaned," Sirius said.

**"Nothing, nothi****ng..."**

**Dudley's birthday - how could he have forgotten? **

"Wishful thinking?" Dead Fred suggested.

**Harry got slowly out of bed and started looking for socks. He found a pair under his bed and, after pulling a spider**

Both Ron and Hugo shuddered.

**off one of them, put them on. Harry was used to spiders, because the cupboard un****der the stairs was full of them, and that was where he slept.**

Ron and Hugo muttered, "Spiders," while the rest of the wizards in the room repeated, "Cupboard under the stairs?!"

"You made my son/godson sleep in a _cupboard under the stairs?_" Lily, James, and Sirius shouted.

"Why didn't you tell us, Harry?" Mrs. Weasley asked.

Harry shrugged. "They gave me a room, so it didn't matter."

"Didn't matter?" Sirius repeated. "You had to sleep in a cupboard, and they made you cook!"

The Dursleys were looking very scared during this, as they were surrounded by angry wizards.

"Why don't we continue reading, and beat up the Dursleys at the end of this chapter?" Ginny suggested, sensing her husband's discomfort.

**When he was dressed he went down the hall into the kitchen. The table was almost hidden beneath all Dudley's birthday presents. **

"And let me guess, you didn't get anything on your birthday," Big James growled.

"Well…" Harry said.

Big James and Lily Sr. were glaring murderously at the Dursley family.

**It looked as though Dudley had gotten the new computer he wanted****, not to mention the second television and the racing bike. Exactly why Dudley wanted a racing bike was a mystery to Harry, as Dudley was very fat and hated exercise - unless of course it involved punching somebody. **

"It better not be you," Lupin, Sirius, and Harry's parents said at the same time.

"Not usually. He could never catch me," Harry said.

**Dudley's favorite punching bag was Harry, **

Everyone looked angry again.

**but he couldn't often catch him. Harry didn't look it, but he was very fast.**

**Perhaps it had something to do with living in a**** dark cupboard, but Harry had always been small and skinny for his age.**

"Nope. Genetics," Big James said proudly.

**He looked even smaller and skinnier than he really was because all he had to wear were old clothes of Dudley's,**

"Couldn't even buy him clothes," Lily Sr. muttered.

**and Dudley was about four times bigger than he was. Harry had a thin face, knobbly knees, black hair, and bright green eyes. He wore round glasses held together with a lot of Scotch tape**

"Why?" Ron asked.

"It'll probably explain in the book, as it was mentioned," Hermione said.

**because of all the times Dudley had punched him on the nose. **

"Oh," Ron said.

"I thought you said he didn't often catch you," Big James asked.

"It still happened," Harry said.

**The only thing Harry liked about his own appearance was a very thin scar on his forehead**

"You liked it? But you hate it now!" Ron said.

"Well, no one stared at me for it back then. And it made me different," Harry explained.

**that was shaped like a bolt of lightning. He had had it as long as he could remember, and the first question he could ever remember asking his Aunt Petunia was how he had gotten it.**

"You don't want to know, Prongslet," Sirius said.

**"In**** the car crash when your parents died,"**

"Car crash?" Lily Sr. asked indignantly.

**she had said. "And don't ask questions."**

"But how will you learn anything?" Hermione and Rose asked.

"That was kinda the point," Harry said.

**Don't ask questions - that was the first rule for a quiet**** life with the Dursleys.**

**Uncle Vernon entere****d the kitchen as Harry was turning over the bacon.**

**"Comb your hair!" he barked, by way of a morning greeting.**

"It won't work," Big James and Al said. Albus had inherited the 'Potter hair' as his mother called it.

**About once a week, Uncle Vernon looked over the top of his newspaper and shouted that Harry needed**** a haircut. Harry must have had more haircuts than the rest of the boys in his class put ****together, but it made no**** difference, his hair simply grew that way - all over the place.**

"Genetics!" Big James said again.

**Harry was frying eggs**

Lily Sr. and Mrs. Weasley grumbled something about child labor.

**by the time Dudley arrived in the kitchen with his mother. Dudley looked a lot like Uncle Verno****n. He had a large pink face, not much neck, small, watery blue eyes, and thick blond hair that lay smoothly on his thick, fat head. Aunt Petunia often said that Dudley looked like a baby angel - Harry often said that Dudley looked like a pig in a wig.**

While all the wizards laughed, Dudley said indignantly, "I do not look like a pig in a wig!"

"Anymore," Harry snickered.

**H****arry put the plates of egg and bacon on the table, which was difficult as there wasn't much room. Dudley, meanwhile, was counting his presents. His face fell.**

"Why?" Sirius asked.

**"Thirty-six," he said, looking up at his mother and father. "That's two less than last year."**

"Spoiled brat!" the Marauders, George, Little James, and Little Freddie said.

**"Darling, you haven't counted Auntie Marge's present, see, it's here under this big one from Mommy and Daddy."**

"Isn't Aunt Marge the one you-" Ron began, and Harry nodded. The Weasley boys began to laugh, all except Percy.

**"All right, thirty-seven then," said Dudley, going red in the face. Harry, who could see a huge Dudley tantrum coming on, began wolfing down h****is bacon as fast as possible in case Dudley turned the table over.**

"Don't choke, dear," Lily Sr. and Mrs. Weasley said.

**Aunt Petunia obviously scented danger, too, because she said quickly, "And we'll buy you another two presents while we're out today. How's that, popkin? Two more presents. Is that all rig****ht''**

"You shouldn't encourage that type of behavior," Mrs. Weasley said.

**Dudley thought for a moment. It looked like hard work. Finally he said slowly, "So I'll have thirty ... thirty..."**

"Can't even add!" Lily Jr. said. "I can! Its thirty-nine!"

**"Thirty-nine, sweetums," said Aunt Petunia.**

"See!"

**"Oh." Dudley sat down heavily and grabbed the nearest parcel. "All right then."**

**Uncle Vernon chuckled. "Little tyke wants his money's worth, just like his father. 'Atta boy, Dudley!" He ruffled Dudley's hair.**

Mrs. Weasley looked incredulous.

**At that moment the telephone rang and Aunt Petunia went to answer it while Harry and Uncle Vernon watched Dudley unwrap th****e racing bike, a video camera, a remote control airplane, sixteen new computer games, and a VCR. He was ripping the paper off a gold wristwatch**

"But you only get those when you come of age," Ron said, confused.

"Muggles don't do that. They get one if they want one at any age," Hermione explained.

**when Aunt Petunia came back from the telephone looking both angry and worried.**

**"Bad news, Vernon," she said. "****Mrs. Figg's broken her leg. She can't take him." She jerked her head in Harry's direction.**

"He has a name you know," Big James said.

**Dudley's mouth fell open in horror, but Harry's heart gave a leap. Every year on Dudley's birthday, his parents took him and a friend out for the day, to adventure**** parks, hamburger restaurants, or the movies. Every year, Harry was left behind with Mrs. Figg, a mad old lady **

"She wasn't really mad. She was actually a Squib keeping an eye on me," Harry said, while the Dursleys looked horrified.

**who lived two streets away. Harry hated it there. The whole house smelled of cabbage and Mrs. Figg made him look at photographs of all the cats she'd ever owned.**

"I'm so sorry, Prongsley. Having to look at cats," Sirius said sympathetically.

"Do you have something against cats?" McGonagall asked.

"Yes, Professor," Sirius answered. "You can't give me a detention either, because I'm dead."

**"Now what?" said Aunt Petunia, looking furiously at Harry as though he'd planned this. Harry knew he ought to feel sorry that Mrs. Figg had broken her leg, but it wasn't easy when he reminded himself it would be a whole year before he ha****d to look at Tibbles, Snowy, Mr. Paws, and Tufty again.**

The Marauders laughed. "I feel bad for those cats, having names like that," Big James choked.

**"We could phone Marge," Uncle Vernon suggested.**

**"Don't be silly, Vernon, she hates the boy."**

"Feeling's mutual," Harry said.

**The Dursleys often spoke about Harry**** like this, as though he wasn't there - or rather, as though he was something very nasty that couldn't understand them, like a slug.**

Everyone looked murderous again.

**"What about what's-her-name, your friend - Yvonne?"**

"Eew, you're still friends with her?" Lily Sr. asked disgusted.

**"On vacation in Majorca," snapped Aunt Petunia.**

**"You could just leave me here," Harry put in hopefully (he'd be able to watch wh****at he wanted on television for a change and maybe even have a go on Dudley's computer).**

"Too fun, Harry, of course they wouldn't let you," the twins said.

**Aunt Petunia looked as though she'd just swallowed a lemon.**

**"And come back and find the house in ruins?" she snarled.**

"I wouldn't blow up the house! On purpose, anyway," Harry said.

**"I won't blow up the house," said Harry, but**** they weren't listening.**

"You never change," Ron said.

"Yeah, you still are practically the same person that kept trying to keep us out of danger while you did everything yourself in first year," Hermione added.

**"I suppose we could take him to the zoo," said Aunt Petunia slowly, "... and leave him in**** the car..."**

"He's not a dog!" Big James said.

"And you shouldn't leave dogs in the car either, for that matter," Sirius said.

**"That car's new, he's not sitting in it alone..."**

"Course, that's your first priority, your car, not your nephew," Mrs. Weasley said.

**Dudley began to cry loudly. In fact, he wasn't really crying - it had ****been years since he'd really cried - but he knew that if he screwed up his face and wailed, his mother would give him anything he wanted.**

"Spoiled brat," the Marauders, George, Little James, and Little Fred said again.

**"Dinky Duddydums, **

All the wizards laughed while Dudley blushed. "Nice nicknames," chortled Ron.

**don't cry, Mummy won't let him **

"Harry's name isn't him, or he," Big James said.

**spoil your special day!" she cried, flinging her arms around him.**

**"I... don't... want... him... t-t-to come!" Dudley yelled between huge, pretend sobs. "He always sp- spoils everything!" He shot Harry a nasty grin through the gap in his mother's arms.**

**Just then, the doorbell rang - "Oh, good Lord, they're here!" sai****d Aunt Petunia frantically - and a moment later, Dudley's best friend, Piers Polkiss, **

"He's annoying," Harry muttered.

**walked in with his mother. Piers was a scrawny boy with a face like a rat. He was usually the one who held people's arms behind their backs while Dudley hit them. Dudley stopped pretending to cry at once.**

"Course, can't cry in front of your bully friends," Ginny muttered.

**Half an hour later, Harry, who couldn't believe his luck, was sitting in the back of the Dursleys' car with Piers and Dudley, on the way to the zoo for the first time in his life. His aunt and uncle hadn't been able to**** think of anything else to do with him, but before they'd left, Uncle Vernon had taken Harry aside.**

**"I'm warning you," he had said, putting his large purple face right up close to Harry's, "I'm warning you now, boy - any funny business, anything at all ****- and you'll be in that cupboard from now until Christmas."**

"No, he'll be at Hogwarts in September," Big James said.

**"I'm not going to do anything," said Harry, "honestly.."**

"I am such a liar," Harry said with a laugh.

"Are we going to read about your accidental magic?" Hermione asked, and Harry nodded happily.

**But Uncle Vernon didn't believe him. No one ever did.**

**The problem was, strange things often happened around Harry and it was just no ****good telling the Dursleys he didn't make them happen.**

"You did make them happen, just not on purpose," Hermione said.

**Once, Aunt Petunia, tired of Harry coming back from the barbers looking as though he hadn't been at all, had taken a pair of kitchen scissors and cut his hair so short he was almost bald except for hi****s bangs, which she left "to hide that horrible scar." **

Everyone began to laugh, even Harry.

**Dudley had laughed himself silly at Harry, who spent a sleepless night imagining school the next day, where he was already laughed at for his baggy clothes and taped glasses. Next morning, however, he had gotten up to find his hair exactly as it had been before Aunt Petunia had sheared it off He had been given a week in his cupboard for this, even though he had tried to explain that he couldn't explain how it had grown back so quickly.**

"Petunia! You knew very well that was accidental magic! You saw me do it a hundred times!" Lily Sr. said angrily.

**Another time, Aunt Petunia had been trying to force him into a revolting old sweater of Dudley's (brown with orange puff balls)**

"That's horrible!" the girls cried.

**- The harder she tried to pull it over his head, the smaller it seemed to become, until finally it might have fitted a hand p****uppet, but certainly wouldn't fit Harry. Aunt Petunia had decided it must have shrunk in the wash and, to his great relief, Harry wasn't punished.**

"Yay! Go Prongslet!" Sirius cheered.

**On the other hand, he'd gotten into terrible trouble for being found on the roof of the school kitchens. Du****dley's gang had been chasing him as usual when, as much to Harry's surprise as anyone else's, there he was sitting on the chimney. The Dursleys had received a very angry letter from Harry's headmistress telling them Harry had been climbing school buildings. But all he'd tried to do (as he shouted at Uncle Vernon through the locked door of his cupboard) was jump behind the big trash cans outside the kitchen doors. Harry supposed that the wind must have caught him in mid- jump.**

"Harry, you are a terrible liar," the twins said.

"He doesn't get any better," Ron said.

"Hey!"

**But today, nothing was going ****to go wrong. **

Sirius groaned. "You jinxed it Prongslet!"

**It was even worth being with Dudley and Piers to be spending the day somewhere that wasn't school, his cupboard, or Mrs. Figg's cabbage-smelling living room.**

"That's the only places they let you go?" Harry's parents asked.

**While he drove, Uncle Vernon complained to Aunt Petunia. He liked to complain about**** things: people at work, Harry, the council, Harry, the bank, and Harry were just a few of his favorite subjects. This morning, it was motorcycles.**

"You know, George, I think he likes to complain about Harry," Fred mused.

"Where'd you get an idea like that, dear brother?" George replied.

**"... roaring along like maniacs, the young hoodlums," he said, as a motorcycle overtook them.**

"**I had a dr****eam about a motorcycle," said Harry, remembering suddenly. "It was flying."**

"Harry/Prongslet!" groaned nearly everyone.

**Uncle Vernon nearly crashed into the car in front. He turned right around in his seat and yelled at Harry, his face like a gigantic beet with a mustache: "MOTORCYCLES DON'T FLY!"**

"Yes they do," the twins argued.

**Dudley and Piers sniggered.**

"**I know they don't," said Harry. "It was only a dream."**

"No it wasn't, Prongslet. You really rode my motorcycle," Sirius said.

**But he wished he hadn't said anything. If there was one thing the Dursleys hated even more than his asking questions, it was his talking about anything acting in a wa****y it shouldn't, no matter if it was in a dream or even a cartoon - they seemed to think he might get dangerous ideas.**

"Harry, what's a cartoon?" the twins asked.

"Do not answer them!" Mrs. Weasley cried.

**It was a very sunny Saturday and the zoo was crowded with families. The Dursleys bought Dudley and Piers large chocolate ice creams at ****the entrance and then, because the smiling lady in the van had asked Harry what he wanted before they could hurry him away, they bought him a cheap lemon ice pop.**

"It was good," Harry said before anyone could object angrily.

**It wasn't bad, either, Harry thought, licking it as they watched a gorilla scratching its head who looked remarkably like Dudley, except that it wasn't blond.**

"Harry! That's an insult to gorillas everywhere!" the twins said.

"Excuse me?" Dudley said, but the twins ignored him.

**Harry had the best morning he'd had in a long time. He was careful to walk a little way apart from the Dursleys so that Dudley and Piers, who were starting to get bored with the animals by**** lunchtime, wouldn't fall back on their favorite hobby of hitting him.**

Lupin and Sirius growled, while Big James and Lily Sr. looked murderous.

**They ate in the zoo restaurant, and when Dudley had a tantrum because his knickerbocker glory didn't have enough ice cream on top, Uncle Vernon bought him another one and Harry was allowed to finish the first.**

"That was good too," Harry said.

**Harry felt, afterward, that he should have known it was all too good to last.**

"Are we getting to the accidental magic?" Sirius asked eagerly.

**After lunch they went to the reptile house. It was cool and dark in there, with lit windows all along the walls. Behind the glass, all sorts of lizar****ds and snakes were crawling and slithering over bits of wood and stone. Dudley and Piers wanted to see huge, poisonous cobras and thick, man-crushing pythons. Dudley quickly found the largest snake in the place. It could have wrapped its body twice around Uncle Vernon's car and crushed it into a trash can **

"Cool!" the boys of the room exclaimed.

**- but at the moment it didn't look in the mood. In fact, it was fast asleep.**

**Dudley stood with his nose pressed against the glass, staring at the glistening brown coils.**

**"Make it move," he whined at h****is father. Uncle Vernon tapped on the glass, but the snake didn't budge.**

**"Do it again," Dudley ordered. Uncle Vernon rapped the glass smartly with his knuckles, but the snake just snoozed on.**

**"This is boring," Dudley moaned.**

"You're boring!" Little James said.

**He shuffled away.**

**Harry m****oved in front of the tank and looked intently at the snake. He wouldn't have been surprised if it had died of boredom itself - no company except stupid people drumming their fingers on the glass trying to disturb it all day long. It was worse than having a cupboard as a bedroom, where the only visitor was Aunt Petunia hammering on the door to wake you up; at least he got to visit the rest of the house.**

"Harry, I hope you realize you are comparing yourself to a snake," the twins said. Harry shrugged.

**The snake suddenly opened its beady eyes. Slowly, very slowly, it raised its head until its eyes were o****n a level with Harry's.**

**It winked.**

"Snakes don't have eyelids!"

**Harry stared. Then he looked quickly around to see if anyone was watching. They weren't. He looked back at the snake and winked, too.**

"Harry, don't encourage it!" the twins said dramatically.

**The snake jerked its head toward Uncle Vernon and Dudley, then raised its eyes to**** the ceiling. It gave Harry a look that said quite plainly:**

**"I get that all the time."**

**"I know," Harry murmured through the glass, though he wasn't sure the snake could hear him. "It must be really annoying."**

"Harry, dear, you do realize the snake can't understand you, right?" Lily asked her son. Harry just gave a cheeky grin.

**The snake nodded vigorously.**

"You're a Parseltongue?" Lily and James asked at the same time.

Harry nodded. "One of the benefits of being a Horcrux."

**"Where do y****ou come from, anyway?" Harry asked.**

**The snake jabbed its tail at a little sign next to the glass. Harry peered at it.**

"I can't believe you were having a conversation with a snake without even thinking you were crazy," Ron said.

"Oh, but he is crazy," Ginny said.

**Boa Constrictor, Brazil.**

**"Was it nice there?"**

**T****he boa constrictor jabbed its tail at the sign again and Harry read on: This specimen was bred in the zoo. "Oh, I see - so you've never been to Brazil?"**

**As the snake shook its head, a deafening shout behind Harry made both of them jump.**

"It was a canon going off!" the twins said excitedly.

**"DUDLEY! MR****. DURSLEY! COME AND LOOK AT THIS SNAKE! YOU WON'T BELIEVE WHAT IT'S DOING!"**

**Dudley came waddling toward them as fast as he could.**

"I do not waddle!"

"You used to," Harry replied.

**"Out of the way, you," he said, punching Harry in the ribs. **

"Sorry Harry."

"Its fine, Dudley."

**Caught by surprise, Harry fell hard on the concrete floor. Wha****t came next happened so fast no one saw how it happened - one second, Piers and Dudley were leaning right up close to the glass, the next, they had leapt back with howls of horror.**

"Why?" Ron asked.

"Ronald, dear, if you listen, you will find out," Hermione said.

**Harry sat up and gasped; the glass front of the boa constrictor's tank h****ad vanished. **

There was a pause, then a majority of the room started laughing.

"That was great Prongslet!" Sirius panted.

"I didn't try to, it just happened," Harry said.

"So it was you!" Uncle Vernon cried triumphantly.

"Uh… _yeah. _I mean, how many other wizards were in there to do that?" Harry said.

**The great snake was uncoiling itself rapidly, slithering out onto the floor. People throughout the reptile house screamed and started running for the exits.**

**As the snake slid swiftly past him, Harry could have sworn a low, hissing voice said****, "Brazil, here I come... Thanksss, amigo."**

"That is so weird that you are a Parseltongue," Big James muttered.

"He's not anymore," Little James said. "When Voldemort destroyed the Horcrux in him, no more Parseltongue."

**The keeper of the reptile house was in shock.**

The twins snickered. "I'd pay big money to see his face."

**"But the glass," he kept saying, "where did the glass go?"**

**The zoo director himself made Aunt Petunia a cup of strong, sweet tea while he apologized over and o****ver again. Piers and Dudley could only gibber. As far as Harry had seen, the snake hadn't done anything except snap playfully at their heels as it passed, but by the time they were all back in Uncle Vernon's car, Dudley was telling them how it had nearly bitten off his leg, while Piers was swearing it had tried to squeeze him to death. **

A majority of the room rolled their eyes, and Dudley blushed.

**But worst of all, for Harry at least, was Piers calming down enough to say, "Harry was talking to it, weren't you, Harry?"**

Groans were heard around the room. "He just had to do that, didn't he?" Big James muttered.

**Uncle Vernon waited until Piers was safely out of**** the house before starting on Harry. He was so angry he could hardly speak. He managed to say, "Go - cupboard - stay - no meals," before he collapsed into a chair, and Aunt Petunia had to run and get him a large brandy.**

Lily Sr.'s eyes narrowed dangerously. "What do you mean, no meals?" she asked.

"Don't worry Mum, I got food," Harry reassured her.

**Harry lay in his dark cupboard ****much later, wishing he had a watch. He didn't know what time it was and he couldn't be sure the Dursleys were asleep yet. Until they were, he couldn't risk sneaking to the kitchen for some food.**

"You stole food from us?" Uncle Vernon asked angrily, his face turning a dark red.

"Well, if you weren't gonna feed me, then yeah. I did steal food from you," Harry replied calmly.

**He'd lived with the Dursleys almost ten years, ten miserabl****e years, as long as he could remember, ever since he'd been a baby and his parents had died in that car crash. **

"It wasn't a car crash," Sirius interrupted.

**He couldn't remember being in the car when his parents had died. Sometimes, when he strained his memory during long hours in his cupboard, he came up with a strange vision: a blinding flash of green light and a burning pain on his forehead. This, he supposed, was the crash, though he couldn't imagine where all the green light came from.**

"I can't believe you remembered that, you poor dear," Lily Sr. said, putting an arm around her son.

**He couldn't remember his parents at all. His aunt and uncle never spoke about them, and of course he was forbidden to ask questions. There were no photographs of them in the house.**

**When he had been younger, Harry had dreamed and dreamed of some unknown relation coming to take him away, but it had never happened; ****the Dursleys were his only family. **

"Unfortunately," Harry muttered.

**Yet sometimes he thought (or maybe hoped) that strangers in the street seemed to know him. Very strange strangers they were, too. A tiny man in a violet top hat had bowed to him once while out shopping with Aunt Petunia and Dudley. After asking Harry furiously if he knew the man, Aunt Petunia had rushed them out of the shop without buying anything. A wild-looking old woman dressed all in green had waved merrily at him once on a bus. A bald man in a very long purple coat had actually shaken his hand in the street the other day and then walked away without a word. **

"That's the thing about being famous, everyone knows you," Big James said.

**The weirdest thing about all these people was the way they seemed to vanish the second Harry tried to get a closer look.**

"It's called Apparation, Harry," Ginny said helpfully.

**At school, Harry had no one. Everybody kn****ew that Dudley's gang hated that odd Harry Potter in his baggy old clothes and broken glasses, and nobody liked to disagree with Dudley's gang.**

"That's the end of the chapter," Rose said, closing the book.

**AN: Like it? Hate it? **

**Please review guys! The more reviews I get, the faster the next chapter comes out! **


	4. Chapter 4

**AN: Oh my gods I am so happy! So many REVIEWS! :D**

**Let me reply to some of them!**

**Fan girl 8558683: Thanks! My cousin made me read Fangirl and it was pretty good. **

**iPhone Girl 12: Sure! (::) (::) (::) (::) **

**Also thanks to Mr. Boggart 9327, Gorgon birds 101, No account dude (nice name btw), Warrior Princess, and Red Head Chick Loves Ambrose for reviewing!**

**Plus a shout out to all who favorited (Don't know how to spell that) or followed my story! **

**And um, sorry it took so long to update… Please don't hurt me…**

**Just so you guys know, this is not a reading chapter. **

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"Hey guys, it's getting late. How about we call it a night and read again tomorrow?" Harry suggested. "Good idea," Mrs. Weasley said. "We'll all head home, and come back here tomorrow."  
"Umm," Lupin began, "where are all of us going to stay?"

"Fred can crash at our place," George said, and Fred nodded.

"And we got plenty of room here for everyone else," Ginny said.

All the Weasleys that were leaving began to disperse, among many good-byes. Finally, it was just the Potters, Teddy, the Dursleys, and a bunch of dead people.

"Ok, kids. Time for bed."

"But Dad!" all three kids said in unison.

"No buts. Mum and I will be up shortly to say good night. And if I see any Extendable Ears they are mine," Harry said.

"You're no fun," James muttered.

"I know. And James, you're sleeping in Al's room with him tonight."

James now let out a whoop and the three kids scampered upstairs.

"Harry, dear, are you sure that's a good idea?" Ginny asked.

"No," Harry said.

"Do we have to stay here, in your house, for however long it takes to read these ruddy books?" Uncle Vernon asked.

"Yup," Harry said cheerfully. "It's not like any of us are going to hex you into oblivion." He looked at Lily Sr. "Well, except for maybe Mum. But I don't have any control over her."

"That's right. And would you please explain to me why my son had to sleep in a cupboard for eleven years?" Lily Sr. asked her sister.

"Well, um, you see," Petunia said, struggling for words.

"I'll tell you why," Uncle Vernon said. "Cause he was one of your crowd! And we are perfectly normal and he wasn't! So he was going to stay locked up like that where he belongs!

"Where I belong? Are you telling me I deserve to be locked in a cupboard?" Harry asked, miraculously not shouting.

"Yes, you little freak! And going to that stupid school, and thinking you have to fight Lord Moldywarts or whatever, and you being famous and using that stick!" Uncle Vernon was shouting now.

"First of all," Harry began, "Hogwarts is not stupid. Second, it's Voldemort, and I did have to fight him, because he murdered my parents as it was prophesied, and that's why I was famous. And this 'stick' is what I'm gonna use to give you a pig tail like Dudley's!"

"Wait, Dudley has a tail?" James interrupted.

Harry grinned. "Yup. When Hagrid first came to give me my letter and take me to Diagon Alley, he gave Dudley a pig tail."

Sirius, James, and Teddy roared with laughter.

" That was great!" Sirius said.

"Luckily I got it removed," Dudley said.

"How did you guys explain that to the doctors?" Harry asked, and everyone laughed again.

Teddy then yawned, and most of the room caught it. "Maybe everyone should be getting to bed, "Ginny suggested.

"Good-" BANG! Harry looked up and frowned. "We just sent them to bed. They've already exploded something?" And left the room to go check on his sons.

"So James is a troublemaker?" Big James asked.

McGonagall snorted. "Yes. Him and Freddie are the next generation of Marauders," she said.

"Harry said that's what we get for naming him after you two," Ginny added.

"So you are still teaching at Hogwarts, then?" Dumbledore asked.

"No, I am Headmistress now," McGonagall said with a small smile.

At this point, Harry entered the room shaking his head. "What did they do?" Ginny asked her husband.

"Decoy Detonator," he muttered, and Ginny laughed.

"What's a Decoy Detonator?" James and Sirius asked at the same time.

"One of the things from George's joke shop," Harry said.

"Now, where is everyone going to sleep tonight?" Ginny asked.

"Well, Sirius can have his old room," Harry began.

"Wait, we're in Grimmauld Place?" James asked. Harry nodded. "Sure has been fixed up a lot."

Sirius turned to his godson. "Is my mother's portrait still up?"

"Nope," Harry said. "We managed to get it down."

"What did you do with it?"

"I hope you don't mind too much, but we burned it." Sirius got up and began to dance around the room.

"You are my new favorite person, Prongslet!" he cried happily.

"What about the rest of us?" Lily Sr. asked.

"Remus, you can sleep in Teddy's room with him, and there is just enough extra guest rooms for everyone else."

"Sounds great!" Lily Sr. said. Harry showed everyone where they would be sleeping, and then went with Ginny to say good night to his children.

"Now, go to sleep and try not to blow anything else up tonight, alright boys?" Ginny said.

"Okay, Mum, but you have to admit, the look on Dad's face was priceless when he came in here," James said, causing the two brothers to crack up.

"I'm going to make sure neither of you ever talk to Fred or Uncle George pretty soon," she said.

"But Mum! Who else would help me rein terror on Filch? Besides Peeves, I mean."

"You don't need any help. Ginny, remind me not to leave him alone with Dad or Sirius, okay?" Harry said.

James got an eager look on his face. "Imagine what two generations of Marauders could do together!"

"Let's run while we still can!" Harry said, and laughing, the two left the boys room.

Lily was much quieter than the boys and already falling asleep when her parents came in to say goodnight. As they left, Ginny turned to her husband and said, "Now, you are about to say that you want to go talk to your parents for a while," she predicted.

Harry looked flabbergasted. "How did you know?"

"Professor Trelawney trained me," she said with a smirk. "Now, go on, go see your parents."

Harry obediently headed down the hall to his parents' room.

The door was half open, and Harry peeked his head in. Lily Sr. smiled broadly when she saw him. "Harry! We guessed you would come see us."

"You know me too well." He smiled.

"Sit down." Lily Sr. motioned to a chair near the side of the bed.

As he sat, thoughts enfolded him like a warm blanket. He had no clue what to say. He'd never really known his parents. Luckily, his father brought up one of his favorite topics; Quidditch.

"So, Harry." James began. "Do tell me of your undying love of games played on broomsticks. Tell me of the obsessive, nervous energy that courses through your body when you hear the word Quidditch, or feel that lovely feeling of leaving the world behind as you take flight."

"Well, for starters, I managed to get on the Gryffindor Quidditch team in less than two weeks of being at Hogwarts-"

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait. You got on the team in your first year?" James looked shocked.

"Yup. Now let me continue my awesome history of Quidditch. I was the youngest seeker in a century for one thing." But he was interrupted again by his father.

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait. You were the youngest seeker in a century?"

"Are you going to say that wait thing every time I reveal one piece of my awesome Quidditch past?"

"Why yes, how did you guess?"

"So anyways… The first game I lost, like ever, was in my third year, and it wasn't my fault."

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait. You won every game you played until one game in your third year? Wow! How many years in a row did the Quidditch Cup have Gryffindor's name on it?"

"Well… you see, we didn't win the cup until my third year, there was no Quidditch my fourth year, my fifth year I got kicked off the team, we actually won my sixth year, and I didn't go to Hogwarts my seventh year."

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait. There was no Quidditch your fourth year?" James looked horrified.

"Actually, I'm more worried by the fact that Harry skipped his seventh year of Hogwarts." Lily Sr. interjected. "Why would you be skipping out on your education?"

"Sorry Mum, but I didn't have time for frivolous things like schoolwork. I was chasing horcruxes. Actually, the real reason I didn't go was because Snape was headmaster that year."

While James laughed uncontrollably, Lily looked horrified. Seeing her expression, James stopped laughing and quickly looked horrified.

"You were chasing horcruxes?" Lily whispered, shocked.

"Snape was headmaster?" James whispered, in a tone equally as shocked and horrified as Lily's.

"Yes, and yes." Harry smiled. "Mum, I had to defeat Voldemort, and besides, it was something to do. I couldn't just walk into Hogwarts when it was run by Death Eaters! And I had a 10,000 Galleon price on my head."

Lily looked horrified, but her expression quickly turned stern when James cried, "Awsome! How'd you manage that at only 17? Brilliant!"

"While that is not why you should be interested, I have to say I would like to know why my only son had a 10,000 Galleon price on his head by age 17."

"Oh, Voldemort had taken over the Ministry and wanted me dead, so he made the public believe I murdered Dumbledore. Then someone would turn me in and I could be killed."

"What the bloody hell did you have to do with Dumbledore's death?" James asked, genuinely horrified.

"Oh I witnessed his death. Draco Malfoy tried to kill him but couldn't, so Snape took over and killed him." Harry realized that probably wasn't the best way to put it in front of James because immediately James, because he immediately burst with anger.

"SNAPE KILLED DUMBLEDORE?! OH, WHEN I GET MY HANDS ON THAT SLIMY GIT HE WILL NEVER SEE THE LIGHT OF DAY AGAIN!" James roared.

"Whoa there, horsey. Dumbledore told Snape to murder him. And, Snape's already dead. You can't really use that threat can you?"

"Seriously? Dumbledore went up to Snape and went 'oh Severus! I want to die today! Please kill me!' and Snape, being noble, agreed and killed him? Do you seriously expect me to believe that?"

"Well, that's not exactly what happ-," but Harry was cut off by Snape himself entering.

"I thought I heard your dulcet tones, Potter," Snape smirked. "And I'd like to say that's not what happened."

"How did you know what I shouted?" James demanded.

"There might have been some people 50 miles away who didn't hear you." Snape was sneering but was cut off by loud uncontrollable laughter coming from Harry. All three of the adults stared at him.

"Sorry." He choked out between laughs. "But Fred Weasley said almost the same exact thing to me when I lost my temper."

"Oh, surprise, surprise, Mr. Potter. You lost your temper. That's never happened before. It was probably in your fifth year when you kept landing yourself in detention for yelling at professors," he sneered.

"It was only Umbridge! And like you're Mr. Innocent. I think it was your goal to put me in as many detentions for stupid reasons as possible in my sixth year! It was almost as bad as when Filch tried to put people in detentions for 'breathing loudly' and 'looking happy'!"

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait. Filch tried to put people in detention for 'breathing loudly' and 'looking happy'?" James asked hardly fighting back laughter.

"Yeah. In my second year the Chamber of Secrets was opened and Mrs. Norris was the first one petrified. That's when we found out Filch was a Squib," Harry said. Lily's hand was still on her mouth from when Harry had said the Chamber of Secrets had been open.

"Please, please, please tell me you didn't have anything to do with the Chamber of Secrets," Lily moaned.

Snape sneered. "Potter has unfortunately inherited his father's need to stick his nose in everywhere, so yes he was involved."

"No! All I did was make some Polyjuice potion to try to figure out who the Heir of Slytherin was, get captured by a pack of Acromantula trying to work out clues, find the Chamber of Secrets, go into the Chamber of Secrets to save someone, fight of a 60 foot long Basilisk and a teenage Voldemort, get bitten by a highly poisonous fang, and almost die like usual! I was hardly involved!"

"Compared to what?" Lily asked.

"You want to see involved? Try the Sorcerer's Stone, Sirius Black extravaganza, the Tri-Wizard tournament, The D.A., the Half-Blood Prince, Horcruxes, and destroying Voldemort. Now I'm doing a bunch of Auror stuff as I'm head of the office, and I've got three kids! I was so much more in involved in those things! Oh, and that's not even counting what I do in my spare time."

"I'm scared to see what you do in your spare time. And that's coming from me. Me!" James whimpered.

"Heeheehee. You don't want to know." Harry snickered. Just then the door opened. Ginny's head poked in.

"It's getting late guys. There's a long day of reading tomorrow, you should get to bed. Come on, Harry." Harry bade the others good-night and followed to Ginny to bed.

**AN: So how was it? **

**I grudgingly have to thank my little sister, Boss, as she did most of the dialogue for me this chapter. I suck at dialogue. **

**Don't worry, the next chapter is a reading one. Don't forget to review! **


	5. Chapter 5

**AN: Hi guys. I apologize for the long wait…. In my defense, Hermes was being mean and my Internet wasn't working, then I had to go to Band Camp for a week… **

**SO anyways. Here is some replies for you guys. **

**iPhone Girl 12: Thanks! And it doesn't sound that stalkerish… (::) (::) (::) (::) (::) **

**Son of Hermes 26: Thanks. I like the American version better too. I won't abandon!**

**Baby Lizards 7:Thanks! I call my sister Boss because she has set up a dictatorship in our house. She is our ruler, my older sister is Assisstant Boss, and I, the poor brother stuck in between two sisters, got the amazing title of Lowly Peasant. Boss is not my twin, contrary to popular belief, she is a year and half younger than me and an inch and a half taller. I used King Nerd as my name cause that's what my friends started calling me at school when I brought The House of Hades to lunch with me. I like to think I am smart. And yes, you can have a virtual cookie. (::) (::)(::) (::) **

**The Azkaban Dude: Thanks man! I'll try not to abandon for the sake of your little brother.**

**Ultimate Boss: I am not even going to respond to you. You're sitting behind me. **

**Mr. Boggart 9327: Thanks again. Sometimes I wish I didn't have two sisters, but oh well.**

**Saldin Fan: Maybe I will try it. I don't plan on giving up any time soon! Legendary virtual cookies for you! (::) (::) (::) (::) (::)**

**Kabra Girl: Thanks. Maybe I will write a fanfic about the 39 Clues. They're pretty good, although the series went downhill in the Unstoppables. (You used like eight times in your review)**

**Bike Boy 7: Thanks. Its great that you're only seven and reading cool stuff like this already! I won't abandon don't worry! I like bike rides too.**

**Math Geek 3.1415: Thanks! I won't abandon. Nice name by the way!**

**CouchPotato 8680: Thanks! Electronics are a good life!**

**Also, thanks to everyone who favorited (Still don't know how to spell that) or followed this story!**

**And without further ado, we have the next chapter! **

"Okay," Harry said once everyone had arrived and was ready to read. "Who wants to read first?"

"I will," Professor McGonagall said.

**Chapter 3:THE LETTERS FROM NO ONE**

"Yay! You're getting your Hogwarts letter!" Big James cried excitedly.

**The escape of the Brazilian boa constrictor earned Harry his longest-ever punishment. By the time he was allowed out of his cupboard again, the summer holidays had started and Dudley had already broken his new video camera, crashed his remote control airplane, and, first time out on his racing bike, knocked down old Mrs. Figg as she crossed Privet Drive on her crutches.**

"What a busy boy! Surely you weren't in the cupboard that long!" Lily Sr. said, glaring at her sister.

**Harry was glad school was over, but there was no escaping Dudley's gang, who visited the house every single day. Piers, Dennis, Malcolm, and Gordon were all big and stupid, but as Dudley was the biggest and stupidest of the lot, he was the leader. **

"Well, that makes sense," Fred and George said sarcastically.

**The rest of them were all quite happy to join in Dudley's favorite sport: Harry Hunting.**

Big James, Lily Sr., Sirius, Lupin, Mrs. Weasley, and Ginny all growled.

**This was why Harry spent as much time as possible out of the house, wandering around and thinking about the end of the holidays, where he could see a tiny ray of hope. When September came he would be going off to**

"Hogwarts!" chorused a majority of the room.

**secondary school **

"No, you're going to Hogwarts," Big James explained.

**and, for the first time in his life, he wouldn't be with Dudley. Dudley had been accepted at Uncle Vernon's old private school, Smeltings.**

Harry began to laugh, remembering the uniform Dudley had to wear.

**Piers Polkiss was going there too. Harry, on the other hand, was going to Stonewall High, the local public school. Dudley thought this was very funny.**

**"They stuff people's heads down the toilet the first day at Stonewall," he told Harry. "Want to come upstairs and practice?"**

**"No, thanks," said Harry. "The poor toilet's never had anything as horrible as your head down it - it might be sick." **

Almost everyone laughed. "We are so proud, Harry!" Fred and George said, wiping away fake tears.

**Then he ran, before Dudley could work out what he'd said. **

"I probably could have taken a leisurely stroll and been fine!" Harry said.

**One day in July, Aunt Petunia took Dudley to London to buy his Smeltings uniform,**

Harry began to laugh again.

**leaving Harry at Mrs. Figg's. Mrs. Figg wasn't as bad as usual. It turned out she'd broken her leg tripping over one of her cats, and she didn't seem quite as fond of them as before. **

"I don't see how she was ever fond of cats!" Sirius said.

"I hope the cat she tripped over was all right!" McGonagall said at the same time.

**She let Harry watch television and gave him a bit of chocolate cake that tasted as though she'd had it for several years.**

"That's abuse of chocolate!" Remus cried.

**That evening, Dudley paraded around the living room for the family in his brand-new uniform. Smeltings' boys wore maroon tailcoats, orange knickerbockers, and flat straw hats called boaters. **

At this, the whole room laughed, making Dudley blush.

**They also carried knobbly sticks, used for hitting each other while the teachers weren't looking. This was supposed to be good training for later life.**

"How is that good training?" the mothers of the room asked.

**As he looked at Dudley in his new knickerbockers, Uncle Vernon said gruffly that it was the proudest moment of his life.**

"A sad life then."

**Aunt Petunia burst into tears and said she couldn't believe it was her Ickle Dudleykins, he looked so handsome and grown-up.**

This caused another round of laughter.

**Harry didn't trust himself to speak. He thought two of his ribs might already have cracked from trying not to laugh.**

"I feel for you, Harry," Sirius said, patting his godson on the back.

**There was a horrible smell in the kitchen the next morning when Harry went in for breakfast. It seemed to be coming from a large metal tub in the sink. He went to have a look. **

"And it was Petunia's attempt at breakfast!" Lily Sr. declared.

**The tub was full of what looked like dirty rags swimming in gray water.**

"See! I told you!" Lily Sr. said.

**"What's this?" he asked Aunt Petunia. Her lips tightened as they always did if he dared to ask a question.**

**"Your new school uniform," she said.**

"Oh. I didn't realize it had to be so wet," Big James said.

**Harry looked in the bowl again.**

**"Oh," he said, "I didn't realize it had to be so wet."**

Everyone looked at Harry and his father.

**"Don't be stupid," snapped Aunt Petunia. "I'm dyeing some of Dudley's old things gray for you. It'll look just like everyone else's when I've finished."**

"I doubt that," Harry's kids said.

**Harry seriously doubted this, but thought it best not to argue. He sat down at the table and tried not to think about how he was going to look on his first day at Stonewall High - like he was wearing bits of old elephant skin, probably.**

"Harry, you're never going to go to Stonewall High," Big James pointed out.

**Dudley and Uncle Vernon came in, both with wrinkled noses because of the smell from Harry's new uniform. Uncle Vernon opened his newspaper as usual and Dudley banged his Smelting stick, which he carried everywhere, on the table.**

**They heard the click of the mail slot and flop of letters on the doormat.**

**"Get the mail, Dudley," said Uncle Vernon from behind his paper.**

"It's an apocalypse! He's making Dudley do something!" the pranksters of the room cried.

**"Make Harry get it."**

**"Get the mail, Harry."**

"And the world is right again."

**"Make Dudley get it."**

"Good try Prongslet," Sirius said.

**"Poke him with your Smelting stick, Dudley."**

**Harry dodged the Smelting stick and went to get the mail. Three things lay on the doormat: a postcard from Uncle Vernon's sister Marge, who was vacationing on the Isle of Wight, a brown envelope that looked like a bill, and - a letter for Harry.**

"Dun, dun, DUN!"

**Harry picked it up and stared at it, his heart twanging like a giant elastic band. No one, ever, in his whole life, had written to him. **

Harry's parents narrowed their eyes.

**Who would? He had no friends, no other relatives - he didn't belong to the library, so he'd never even got rude notes asking for books back. Yet here it was, a letter, addressed so plainly there could be no mistake:**

**Mr. H. Potter**

**The Cupboard under the Stairs**

**4 Privet Drive**

**Little Whinging**

**Surrey**

"Its addressed like that, and no one noticed?" Lily Sr. asked.

"It's a self addressing quill," McGonagall explained. "WE don't really pay attention to it."

**The envelope was thick and heavy, made of yellowish parchment, and the address was written in emerald-green ink. There was no stamp.**

**Turning the envelope over, his hand trembling, Harry saw a purple wax seal bearing a coat of arms; a lion, an eagle, a badger, and a snake surrounding a large letter H.**

"Hogwarts!"

**"Hurry up, boy!" shouted Uncle Vernon from the kitchen. "What are you doing, checking for letter bombs?" He chuckled at his own joke.**

"That was a joke?" the Weasley twins asked, horrified.

**Harry went back to the kitchen, still staring at his letter. He handed Uncle Vernon the bill and the postcard, sat down, and slowly began to open the yellow envelope.**

**Uncle Vernon ripped open the bill, snorted in disgust, and flipped over the postcard.**

**"Marge's ill," he informed Aunt Petunia. "Ate a funny whelk. -."**

"Serves her right," Harry snorted.

**"Dad!" said Dudley suddenly. "Dad, Harry's got something!"**

"Dudley!" groaned most of the room.

**Harry was on the point of unfolding his letter, which was written on the same heavy parchment as the envelope, when it was jerked sharply out of his hand by Uncle Vernon.**

**"That's mine!" said Harry, trying to snatch it back.**

"Might have worked, if he hadn't been like eight times your size."

**"Who'd be writing to you?" sneered Uncle Vernon, shaking the letter open with one hand and glancing at it. His face went from red to green faster than a set of traffic lights. And it didn't stop there. Within seconds it was the grayish white of old porridge.**

"Gross," commented most of the girls.

**"P-P-Petunia!" he gasped.**

**Dudley tried to grab the letter to read it, but Uncle Vernon held it high out of his reach. Aunt Petunia took it curiously and read the first line. For a moment it looked as though she might faint. She clutched her throat and made a choking noise.**

"Drama queens!" the pranksters sang.

**"Vernon! Oh my goodness - Vernon!"**

**They stared at each other, seeming to have forgotten that Harry and Dudley were still in the room. Dudley wasn't used to being ignored. He gave his father a sharp tap on the head with his Smelting stick.**

"Good thing he didn't have a brain to damage," Harry commented.

**"I want to read that letter," he said loudly."I want to read it," said Harry furiously, "as it's mine."**

**"Get out, both of you," croaked Uncle Vernon, stuffing the letter back inside its envelope.**

**Harry didn't move.**

"And here comes angry Harry. He is going to shout and be stubborn," Ron, Hermione, and Ginny said together.

"**I WANT MY LETTER!" he shouted.**

"See?"

**"Let me see it!" demanded Dudley.**

**"OUT!" roared Uncle Vernon, and he took both Harry and Dudley by the scruffs of their necks and threw them into the hall, slamming the kitchen door behind them. Harry and Dudley promptly had a furious but silent fight over who would listen at the keyhole; **

"Yay! Go Prongslet!" Sirius cheered.

**Dudley won, **

"Awww."

**so Harry, his glasses dangling from one ear, lay flat on his stomach to listen at the crack between door and floor.**

**"Vernon," Aunt Petunia was saying in a quivering voice, "look at the address - how could they possibly know where he sleeps? You don't think they're watching the house?"**

"We have better things to do than that!" Snape said snidely.

**"Watching - spying - might be following us," muttered Uncle Vernon wildly.**

"Somebody's paranoid," Sirius said.

**"But what should we do, Vernon? Should we write back? Tell them we don't want -"**

"Nah. Won't make a bit of difference coming from you two."

**Harry could see Uncle Vernon's shiny black shoes pacing up and down the kitchen.**

**"No," he said finally. "No, we'll ignore it. If they don't get an answer... Yes, that's best... we won't do anything...**

**"But -"**

**"I'm not having one in the house, Petunia! Didn't we swear when we took him in we'd stamp out that dangerous nonsense?"**

"Stamp it out?" Lily Sr. and Big James growled.

**That evening when he got back from work, Uncle Vernon did something he'd never done before; he visited Harry in his cupboard.**

"He fit?" the pranksters asked, astounded.

**"Where's my letter?" said Harry, the moment Uncle Vernon had squeezed through the door. "Who's writing to me?"**

"The Hogwarts professors," Big James explained.

**"No one. it was addressed to you by mistake," said Uncle Vernon shortly.**

"You sit on a throne of lies!" Fred and George said. (**AN: Who gets the reference there?)**

**"I have burned it."**

**"It was not a mistake," said Harry angrily, "it had my cupboard on it."**

**"SILENCE!" yelled Uncle Vernon, and a couple of spiders fell from the ceiling.**

Ron and Hugo shuddered.

**He took a few deep breaths and then forced his face into a smile, which looked quite painful.**

"I hope it was," Sirius said.

**"Er - yes, Harry **

"He said your name!" the pranksters all cried in astonishment.

**- about this cupboard. Your aunt and I have been thinking... you're really getting a bit big for it... we think it might be nice if you moved into Dudley's second bedroom."**

There was silence for a moment, then Lily Sr. said in a low threatening growl, "He had a second bedroom and my son slept in a ruddy cupboard?"

Aunt Petunia and Uncle Vernon cowered away from the hostile witch.

**"Why?" said Harry.**

"Why are you questioning it?" Ron asked.

**"Don't ask questions!" snapped his uncle. "Take this stuff upstairs, now."**

**The Dursleys' house had four bedrooms: one for Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia, one for visitors (usually Uncle Vernon's sister, Marge), one where Dudley slept, and one where Dudley kept all the toys and things that wouldn't fit into his first bedroom.**

"So there were two rooms my son/godson could have slept in, yet he slept in a cupboard?" Lily Sr., Big James, and Sirius asked. Harry nodded.

**It only took Harry one trip upstairs to move everything he owned from the cupboard to this room. He sat down on the bed and stared around him. Nearly everything in here was broken. The month-old video camera was lying on top of a small, working tank Dudley had once driven over the next door neighbor's dog; in the corner was Dudley's first-ever television set, which he'd put his foot through when his favorite program had been canceled; there was a large birdcage, which had once held a parrot that Dudley had swapped at school for a real air rifle, which was up on a shelf with the end all bent because Dudley had sat on it. Other shelves were full of books. They were the only things in the room that looked as though they'd never been touched.**

"Surprise, surprise," Sirius said. Hermione looked scandalized that someone would ignore books.

**From downstairs came the sound of Dudley bawling at his mother, "I don't want him in there... I need that room... make him get out..."**

Sirius coughed something that sounded like spoiled brat.

**Harry sighed and stretched out on the bed. Yesterday he'd have given anything to be up here. Today he'd rather be back in his cupboard with that letter than up here without it.**

"You're weird, Harry," Ron said.

**Next morning at breakfast, everyone was rather quiet. Dudley was in shock. He'd screamed, whacked his father with his Smelting stick, been sick on purpose, kicked his mother, and thrown his tortoise through the greenhouse roof, and he still didn't have his room back. **

"You poor thing," Lily Sr. said sarcastically.

**Harry was thinking about this time yesterday and bitterly wishing he'd opened the letter in the hall. **

"20/20 hindsight, huh Harry?" Hermione said.

**Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia kept looking at each other darkly.**

**When the mail arrived, Uncle Vernon, who seemed to be trying to be nice to Harry, made Dudley go and get it. They heard him banging things with his Smelting stick all the way down the hall. Then he shouted, "There's another one! 'Mr. H. Potter, The Smallest Bedroom, 4 Privet Drive -'"**

"Get the letter Harry!" Big James cried.

**With a strangled cry, Uncle Vernon leapt from his seat and ran down the hall, Harry right behind him. Uncle Vernon had to wrestle Dudley to the ground to get the letter from him, which was made difficult by the fact that Harry had grabbed Uncle Vernon around the neck from behind. **

"You make a habit of that, don't you Harry?" Ron said, causing the three who had fought the troll to laugh.

**After a minute of confused fighting, in which everyone got hit a lot by the Smelting stick, Uncle Vernon straightened up, gasping for breath, with Harry's letter clutched in his hand.**

"Darn it," Big James and Sirius said together.

**"Go to your cupboard - I mean, your bedroom," he wheezed at Harry. "Dudley - go - just go."**

**Harry walked round and round his new room. Someone knew he had moved out of his cupboard and they seemed to know he hadn't received his first letter. Surely that meant they'd try again? And this time he'd make sure they didn't fail. He had a plan.**

Hermione, Ron, and Ginny groaned. "Great. That's all we need," Ron said.

"My plans aren't that bad!" Harry protested.

"Yes they are," the three of them replied.

"If they are anything like James', you're sunk," Remus commented.

**The repaired alarm clock rang at six o'clock the next morning. Harry turned it off quickly and dressed silently. He mustn't wake the Dursleys. He stole downstairs without turning on any of the lights.**

**He was going to wait for the postman on the corner of Privet Drive and get the letters for number four first. His heart hammered as he crept across the dark hall toward the front door -**

**Harry leapt into the air; he'd trodden on something big and squashy on the doormat - something alive!**

"I hope its someone's face!" Big James and Sirius said together.

**Lights clicked on upstairs and to his horror Harry realized that the big, squashy something had been his uncle's face. **

The pranksters roared with laughter.

**Uncle Vernon had been lying at the foot of the front door in a sleeping bag, clearly making sure that Harry didn't do exactly what he'd been trying to do. He shouted at Harry for about half an hour and then told him to go and make a cup of tea. Harry shuffled miserably off into the kitchen and by the time he got back, the mail had arrived, right into Uncle Vernon's lap. Harry could see three letters addressed in green ink.**

"**I want -" he began, but Uncle Vernon was tearing the letters into pieces before his eyes. Uncle Vernon didn't go to work that day. He stayed at home and nailed up the mail slot.**

"That's not going to stop the letters. They are just going to get creative," Lily Sr. said.

**"See," he explained to Aunt Petunia through a mouthful of nails, "if they can't deliver them they'll just give up."**

**"I'm not sure that'll work, Vernon."**

"She was actually right for once!" Ron said.

**"Oh, these people's minds work in strange ways, Petunia, they're not like you and me," said Uncle Vernon, trying to knock in a nail with the piece of fruitcake Aunt Petunia had just brought him.**

"And thank goodness for that," Harry said.

**On Friday, no less than twelve letters arrived for Harry. As they couldn't go through the mail slot they had been pushed under the door, slotted through the sides, and a few even forced through the small window in the downstairs bathroom.**

"Yup. You're probably going to get even more the next day," Remus said.

**Uncle Vernon stayed at home again. After burning all the letters, he got out a hammer and nails and boarded up the cracks around the front and back doors so no one could go out. He hummed "Tiptoe Through the Tulips" as he worked, and jumped at small noises.**

"Someone's paranoid," the twins sang.

**On Saturday, things began to get out of hand. **

"Weren't they already?" Sirius asked.

**Twenty-four letters to Harry found their way into the house, rolled up and hidden inside each of the two dozen eggs that their very confused milkman had handed Aunt Petunia through the living room window. While Uncle Vernon made furious telephone calls to the post office and the dairy trying to find someone to complain to, Aunt Petunia shredded the letters in her food processor.**

"There will be some very confused people talking to Uncle Vernon then," Harry said with a chuckle.

**"Who on earth wants to talk to you this badly?" Dudley asked Harry in amazement.**

"Most of the wizarding world," Harry replied to his cousin.

**On Sunday morning, Uncle Vernon sat down at the breakfast table looking tired and rather ill, but happy.**

"Ah! He's happy! Run for your lives!" the twins cried.

**"No post on Sundays," he reminded them cheerfully as he spread marmalade on his newspapers, "no damn letters today -"**

"Why wouldn't there be letters on Sundays?" Ron asked, confused.

"Muggle post works different than owl post," Hermione explained. "They only get letters the six other days."

"Weird," Ron replied.

**Something came whizzing down the kitchen chimney as he spoke and caught him sharply on the back of the head. Next moment, thirty or forty letters came pelting out of the fireplace like bullets. The Dursleys ducked, but Harry leapt into the air trying to catch one.**

"I know you are a brilliant seeker, Harry, but there were probably some on the floor you could have gotten," Remus pointed out.

**"Out! OUT!"**

**Uncle Vernon seized Harry around the waist and threw him into the hall. When Aunt Petunia and Dudley had run out with their arms over their faces, Uncle Vernon slammed the door shut. They could hear the letters still streaming into the room, bouncing off the walls and floor.**

**"That does it," said Uncle Vernon, trying to speak calmly but pulling great tufts out of his mustache at the same time. "I want you all back here in five minutes ready to leave. We're going away. Just pack some clothes. No arguments!"**

"Running from letters. That's just mental," Ron said.

**He looked so dangerous with half his mustache missing that no one dared argue. **

"Or he looked so funny I would have started laughing if I had opened my mouth," Harry said.

**Ten minutes later they had wrenched their way through the boarded-up doors and were in the car, speeding toward the highway. Dudley was sniffling in the back seat; his father had hit him round the head for holding them up while he tried to pack his television, VCR, and computer in his sports bag.**

Sirius coughed something that sounded like spoiled brat again.

**They drove. And they drove. Even Aunt Petunia didn't dare ask where they were going. Every now and then Uncle Vernon would take a sharp turn and drive in the opposite direction for a while. "Shake'em off... shake 'em off," he would mutter whenever he did this.**

"Someone has gone completely crazy."

**They didn't stop to eat or drink all day. By nightfall Dudley was howling. He'd never had such a bad day in his life. He was hungry, he'd missed five television programs he'd wanted to see, and he'd never gone so long without blowing up an alien on his computer.**

"Hmm… Harry was normally hungry…. He didn't get to watch TV…. He never played the computer… I wonder what Dudley was complaining about?" Ginny said.

**Uncle Vernon stopped at last outside a gloomy-looking hotel on the outskirts of a big city. Dudley and Harry shared a room with twin beds and damp, musty sheets. Dudley snored but Harry stayed awake, sitting on the windowsill, staring down at the lights of passing cars and wondering...**

"Wondering what?" Ron wondered.

"No clue. This was eons ago," Harry replied.

**They ate stale cornflakes and cold tinned tomatoes on toast for breakfast the next day.**

"That's horrible," Sirius and Ron whispered.

**They had just finished when the owner of the hotel came over to their table.**

**"'Scuse me, but is one of you Mr. H. Potter? Only I got about an 'undred of these at the front desk."**

"A hundred? Isn't that a little excessive?" Hermione asked with a raised eyebrow.

**She held up a letter so they could read the green ink address:**

**Mr. H. Potter**

**Room 17**

**Railview Hotel**

**Cokeworth**

**Harry made a grab for the letter but Uncle Vernon knocked his hand out of the way. The woman stared.**

"I wonder what she was thinking," Harry said with a chuckle.

**"I'll take them," said Uncle Vernon, standing up quickly and following her from the dining room.**

"**Wouldn't it be better just to go home, dear?" Aunt Petunia suggested timidly, hours later, **

"Good idea!" Big James said enthusiastically.

**but Uncle Vernon didn't seem to hear her. Exactly what he was looking for, none of them knew. He drove them into the middle of a forest, got out, looked around, shook his head, got back in the car, and off they went again. The same thing happened in the middle of a plowed field, halfway across a suspension bridge, and at the top of a multilevel parking garage.**

**"Daddy's gone mad, hasn't he?" Dudley asked Aunt Petunia dully late that afternoon. **

"Even Dudley noticed it!" Sirius said.

**Uncle Vernon had parked at the coast, locked them all inside the car, and disappeared.**

**It started to rain. Great drops beat on the roof of the car. Dudley sniveled.**

**"It's Monday," he told his mother. "The Great Humberto's on tonight. I want to stay somewhere with a television. "**

**Monday. This reminded Harry of something. If it was Monday - and you could usually count on Dudley to know the days the week, because of television - then tomorrow, Tuesday, was Harry's eleventh birthday. **

"Yay! Happy Birthday Prongslet!" Sirius said.

"You do realize its not actually my birthday, right?" Harry asked his godfather, who nodded happily.

**Of course, his birthdays were never exactly fun - last year, the Dursleys had given him a coat hanger and a pair of Uncle Vernon's old socks. Still, you weren't eleven every day.**

**Uncle Vernon was back and he was smiling. **

"Uh-oh," the twins said together.

**He was also carrying a long, thin package and didn't answer Aunt Petunia when she asked what he'd bought.**

**"Found the perfect place!" he said. "Come on! Everyone out!"**

**It was very cold outside the car. Uncle Vernon was pointing at what looked like a large rock way out at sea. Perched on top of the rock was the most miserable little shack you could imagine. One thing was certain, there was no television in there.**

"Are you insane?" Lily Sr. and Big James asked incredulously.

"Yes he is," Harry said.

**"Storm forecast for tonight!" said Uncle Vernon gleefully, clapping his hands together. **

"And that's good because?" Hermione asked.

**"And this gentleman's kindly agreed to lend us his boat!"**

**A toothless old man came ambling up to them, pointing, with a rather wicked grin, at an old rowboat bobbing in the iron-gray water below them.**

**"I've already got us some rations," said Uncle Vernon, "so all aboard!"**

"Rations," Harry snorted.

**It was freezing in the boat. Icy sea spray and rain crept down their necks and a chilly wind whipped their faces. After what seemed like hours they reached the rock, where Uncle Vernon, slipping and sliding, led the way to the broken-down house.**

**The inside was horrible; it smelled strongly of seaweed, the wind whistled through the gaps in the wooden walls, and the fireplace was damp and empty. There were only two rooms.**

"Sounds nice and cozy!" the twins said cheerfully.

**Uncle Vernon's rations turned out to be a bag of chips each and four bananas. **

"What kind of dinner is that?" Ron and Sirius asked, horrified.

**He tried to start a fire but the empty chip bags just smoked and shriveled up.**

**"Could do with some of those letters now, eh?" he said cheerfully.**

"Now that is just cruel," Lily Sr. snarled.

**He was in a very good mood. Obviously he thought nobody stood a chance of reaching them here in a storm to deliver mail. Harry privately agreed, though the thought didn't cheer him up at all.**

"Ah, there's our good old pessimist!" the twins said.

**As night fell, the promised storm blew up around them. Spray from the high waves splattered the walls of the hut and a fierce wind rattled the filthy windows. Aunt Petunia found a few moldy blankets in the second room and made up a bed for Dudley on the moth-eaten sofa. She and Uncle Vernon went off to the lumpy bed next door, and Harry was left to find the softest bit of floor he could and to curl up under the thinnest, most ragged blanket.**

Lily Sr., Big James, Sirius, Remus, and Mrs. Weasley growled again.

**The storm raged more and more ferociously as the night went on. Harry couldn't sleep. He shivered and turned over, trying to get comfortable, his stomach rumbling with hunger. Dudley's snores were drowned by the low rolls of thunder that started near midnight. The lighted dial of Dudley's watch, which was dangling over the edge of the sofa on his fat wrist, told Harry he'd be eleven in ten minutes' time. He lay and watched his birthday tick nearer, wondering if the Dursleys would remember at all, wondering where the letter writer was now.**

**Five minutes to go. Harry heard something creak outside. He hoped the roof wasn't going to fall in, although he might be warmer if it did. **

"Wow Harry. Just wow," Ron said.

**Four minutes to go. Maybe the house in Privet Drive would be so full of letters when they got back that he'd be able to steal one somehow.**

"You do realize the letters follow you, right?" Hermione asked.

"I didn't know anything! I was ten!" Harry said.

**Three minutes to go. Was that the sea, slapping hard on the rock like that? And (two minutes to go) what was that funny crunching noise? Was the rock crumbling into the sea?**

"Nope!" Harry said cheerfully.

**One minute to go and he'd be eleven. Thirty seconds... twenty ... ten... nine - maybe he'd wake Dudley up, just to annoy him - three... two... one...**

"Wake him up, wake him up, wake him up, wake him up-" the pranksters cheering was interrupted by Mrs. Weasley saying, "We get it!"

**BOOM.**

"Minnie! You need to shout it!" Sirius said.

"One, I am not going to shout it. Two, don't call me Minnie"

**The whole shack shivered and Harry sat bolt upright, staring at the door. Someone was outside, knocking to come in.**

"Ooh, cliffhanger!" the twins said.

"And that's the end of the chapter," McGonagall said, closing the book. "Who's next?"

"I will," Lily Sr. volunteered.

**Chapter 4 **she read. **The Keeper of the Keys**

**AN: And there you go. **

**Please review guys! I don't care if you say two words, or even ask me what my favorite type of cookie is. A review is a review. **

**-Jake**


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